Amazing Grace: April 2015

It's 7:36 P.M. on Tuesday, April 7th. I'm on Spring Break right now! YAY! (Minus the fact that I went to the doctor tonight and tested positive for strep throat!..YUCK!) All day Monday and Tuesday Lilly and I spent the day together doing her favorite things! Eating...playing...napping....and then all over again! We also went for a stroll around the neighborhood and she got in her swing outside for a little bit, too! We even sat in the rocking chair on the front porch and rocked as we listened to the birds chirping. I am spending my time off doing exactly what I want to be doing...loving on her 24-7!!

My sore throat started Monday morning and I realized I was extra sleepy Monday, too. It worked out perfect because she was so exhausted from Sunday...Easter...so we took a 2 hour nap together! Those are rare these days...her naps usually average about 45 minutes if that. ;-) There's just too much excitement for her to sleep!!:) The time that I get with her these days is not enough so I don't mind her short naps!! So I started feeling worse Tuesday morning around 3 A.M. and I planned to go to the doctor as soon as they opened. When she woke up I was feeling better so I talked myself out of going. I wanted to give her lots of kisses, but I tried to stay out of her face as much as possible because I didn't want her to get whatever I had. Finally by Tuesday around 5 I decided to go get tested for strep throat because I was in so much pain. Sure enough...it was positive. That is one test that I didn't want to be positive, but I was thankful that I went so I could get on an antibiotic and get feeling better. It is very rare for babies to get strep throat so we are just continually praying that God will keep her well!

Before I left to go to the doctor, Nick was getting Lilly ready to go for a stroll around our neighborhood. When I was at the doctor's office I heard thunder and wondered what he ended up doing and hoping they weren't out and about when the storm came! When I pulled up in the driveway I saw the sweetest thing I have ever seen...Lilly was in her stroller and Nick was pushing her back and forth on our front porch. Ahh...my heart just melted right then and there. I am telling you that there is not a better daddy in all of the world than him! He makes my heart so full! Lilly and I are sooo very, very blessed!!! Nick said he had her in the stroller ready to go and walked outside to find the rain pouring down so he pushed her on the front porch and then around the house and then back on the front porch and she LOVED it! I walked up to them on the front porch and she was just a smiling!! I started crying! I was so upset that I was sick because all I wanted to do this whole week was spend time loving on her. My heart was broken.:*( BUT my precious, precious baby girl was just a smiling! That made me cry even harder. She was just looking at me smiling the most beautiful smile I have ever seen! In those moments on my front porch as the rain was coming down I was overwhelmed with how very blessed I am. In those moments all I can do is say Thank you God. Thank you.

I mustered up enough energy to feed Lilly carrots for the first time (which by the way she liked...but she seemed to take it a little better mixed with the oatmeal;-) After her oatmeal she had her bath. It was all I could do to bathe her, but I was determined to spend time with her even if it took all of the energy that I had! Nick's dad stopped by as we were putting her pajamas on her. He stayed for a little bit holding her and making her smile and laugh. Then it was time for her bottle. I sang her sweet songs as she had her bottle and I rocked her in her nursery before I laid her in her crib. Sweet moments in this life. Sweet moments that I hold on to ever so tightly because I know. I have seen it already. It's as if you blink and they are gone. She didn't fall right asleep as soon as she laid down tonight...for some reason she was still wide awake. We may be able to blame Poppy a little bit for that...he gets her excited. She sat up in her crib looking around for a bit...then started crying so Nick went in there and put her blanket on her (she loves to rub her face with the blanket and bury her head in it) and she took her paci (which she rarely needs). It wasn't two minutes later and she was off to dreamland.

Nick and I stayed up for a little bit. I had a hard time falling asleep because my throat was hurting so bad. I kept doing anything possible to not swallow until I was left in a puddle of drool. I finally took some Tylenol and drank another cup of hot tea with honey and I was able to fall asleep around 12 A.M.

It's Wednesday, April 8th. Lilly is 6 months old today!!! Ahhh where does the time go?!? Seriously! I think back to this time 6 months ago when our precious baby girl was born. It just doesn't seem like it's possible for 6 months to have already passed by! Lilly woke up around 5:15...she was early to rise since she was asleep before 8:00 last night. She had her bottle and then dozed back off in the bed with Nick and I. She's done that the past few mornings and I will tell you that I love having her back in the bed with us!! She used to sleep with us some...I know...I know...it's not good for several reasons...but we both loved having her close to us. It is the sweetest thing to wake up beside her smiling at me! Joy (Lilly's JoJo) came to get her around 9:30 so I could get some rest. They spent the day together going here and there and everywhere! I messaged Joy before she came and told her that I changed my mind and I was feeling okay and that she didn't have to come get her. I wanted to cry thinking about her being away from me on my time off from school. I seriously wanted to spend every possible minute with her this week!! But it did turn out good for me to get some rest and I know I have to share Lilly with other people who love her too. :)

Well, here's what's being going on in Lilly's life since the last post, which was a month ago...
since it's been a month this may be a long one.:))

March 8th was the two year anniversary of The Lord taking my daddy to Heaven. People say that time heals all wounds...and there is some truth to that, but nothing is better than the peace that I have of knowing where my daddy is. Losing him would have been so much harder without the reassurance that he prayed the prayer of salvation...just one month before The Lord called him home. Grace. There's no better word. No sweeter word than that. God's grace...His Amazing Grace! The unmerited favor that we don't deserve. The story of my daddy's salvation is on a previous post and if you haven't read it then I encourage you to. I am sure it will bring a fullness to your heart as it does mine every time I remember it. God is so good. There is nothing else to say. He is just so good.
This year to celebrate my daddy's life...my mom and my sister came over and hung out...helped give Lilly a bath and her bottle before bed...then we had dinner (I fixed BBQ Chicken and salad and mom fixed twice baked potatoes! YUM! We also had some cookies for dessert.) After we ate, we went outside and lit these Wish Lanterns that our Aunt Jan got us to send to daddy. It was such a sweet night...us coming together to remember him. I think what made it even sweeter was having Lilly bring us smiles and just knowing that my daddy will forever live through her. God is so good.

What I wouldn't give to hear his sweet voice or his contagious laugh just one more time. My heart hurts thinking about the memories he didn't get to make with Lilly. I know that he would be head over heels in love with her! I can't wait to tell her all about her Papa Kim one day!

So St. Patrick's Day..a day of LUCK! Nick told me a long time ago when I said that I was so lucky about something...that it isn't about luck...it's about being blessed. That has stuck with me ever since. It is so true! Luck is about chance and being blessed is about receiving all God has planned for you.

St. Patrick's Day is a special holiday to celebrate for many reasons. It is my mom and dad's "would be" anniversary. Let's see...I will be 31 years old in October so they would have been married 31 years on St. Patrick's Day...yes that's right...I was a LOVE CHILD. ;-)

St. Patrick's Day of 2009 was when Nick proposed to me in my driveway!! The beginning of my fairy tale!:)

Definitely blessed...so very, very blessed!

This year close to St. Patrick's Day I received a text from Nicks step-mom, Joy. I had my phone with me at school because Lilly's eye was pink again and I had called to make her another doctor's appointment. I was sitting in the cafeteria and I saw a text from Joy that said I needed to call her as soon as I could. I immediately got a lump in my throat. My first thought was that it was Nick because he was traveling and it was raining. I just knew something happened to him. I called her right away and she said it was Nanny...Nick's dad had found her when he went by to check on her. I lost it right there. I could not stop crying. I didn't know how to tell Nick. He wasn't supposed to be home until later that night, but I knew that I couldn't wait to tell him because I knew that after he found out he would have wished he would have been home sooner. So, I called him and made it out like I wanted him to be home to go to the doctor's appointment for Lilly at 3:15. He said he probably wouldn't be able to make it back in time, but he could tell something was wrong. He thought it was something to do with Lilly. So, I had to tell him. He started crying right away. My heart broke even more because I knew how he felt. I lost my Gram 5 years ago and that was the first big loss for me. She was my heart...I couldn't imagine my life without her and I miss her everyday still! Then I lost my daddy 2 years ago and there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled again. So, I could feel the gut wrenching...lump in your throat...is this real feeling that I knew he was experiencing. I was so sad for him. To the point of just being sick. I wanted to take away the pain and hurt that he was feeling and make it all better. He loved his Nanny just like I loved my Gram. That special bond that he had with her that he will never have with anyone else. And oh how she loved him! Just the mention of his name made her light up! You could tell that in her eyes, he hung the moon and he felt the same way about her. It was so special. So rare. I knew his hurt ran deep. I knew that piece of his heart was gone forever. I hurt for him.

I picked up Lilly from daycare and Kimberly met me at the doctor's office to help me with Lilly. I was so thankful to not be by myself. I knew I needed to hold myself together for Lilly and for Nick and I needed my sister...my rock at this time more than ever!

After leaving the doctor's office we went home where Nick was with his dad and Joy. We talked to them for a bit and got the full story from Nick's dad. They would be doing an autopsy to find out exactly what happened. It was so sudden and unexpected. I think that is what made it hurt 10 times worse! We were just with her at dinner the Friday night before and it was Thursday...so almost a week later. We got packed and ready and headed to Nick's dad's house to be with family. Kimberly helped me make cookies, brownies, and Buffalo Chicken Dip to bring over to snack on.

We spent the next few nights there with everyone. My mom was such a big help with Lilly. We kept her with us during the day and then my mom kept her at night so she could get rest. We had a memorial service for Nick's nanny on Sunday. It was a sweet service for such a sweet woman! I think everyone was still, in a state of shock that she was really gone. At one point over the weekend I was washing dishes and Nick came up behind me and hugged me. I turned around and hugged him back and he just started crying. We stood there crying and hugging for a little bit. It was so hard to see him so broken because I was use to him being my rock. Lilly was such a big help at bringing smiles to everyone!! She would just light up the room she was in!:) I took Friday and the Monday after her service off so we could rest and just spend time together as a family.

It seems so surreal that The Lord has called you home. So many hearts are broken into a million pieces and it feels like there's a hole that will never be filled again. Only God has the answers that we keep asking and we know all we can do is trust His plan.

Her smile lit up every room she walked into and every heart was made glad by her sweet hugs and kisses hello! She gave so unselfishly and loved without abandon! She cared about her family and cherished every moment she got to spend with each person. She loved reminiscing about memories that she held so close to her heart. She never left you feeling anything but loved because she spent every moment with someone giving them her full attention and love. She was truly beautiful...inside and out!! Nanny Bob we love you and miss you so very very much! Heaven gained an angel this week...a rare and precious soul.

Today we will celebrate the life of a woman who so many people hold dear to their hearts. We miss her so very much and still have a hard time grasping what's happened and how we feel she was taken from us all too soon, but we are rejoicing because she is in Heaven with Jesus and all those who have gone before her. Today I'm reminded of God's promises from His word and just how good He is! Each verse offers peace and comfort especially during such a difficult time. Thank you God for your promises and thank you for Nanny.

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecc 3:1-8

Here are some moments that we captured on camera over the past month:)

March 4, 2015

At home with our precious baby...she had pink eye :*(

Still smiling even with pink eye!!

March 5, 2015

She fell asleep in her swing!! With Rosie :)

Her great grandma came by to see her:)

I posted this on Instagram on a Thursday for Throwback Thursday in March!!

March 5, 2015

She loved looking at her feet with her Snoozies on!!

March 7, 2015

A little tummy time:)

Yummy!! Oatmeal!!

March 8, 2015

She loves to bury her face when she is sleepy:)

Photo Session with Daddy:)

Grana came over to hang out for Papa Kim's celebration:)

This is her excited squealing face!!:):)

Oh how he loves her!!

I love this picture because she looks like she is resting so good!!

She loves to sleep on her tummy and she loves to bury her face:)

She always kicks her socks off!!

Hanging out in the backyard in the sunshine:)

This baby loves to swing!!

She loves her sunglasses!!

Aunt KK was there for bath and bottle duty!:)

Monday, March 9, 2015

Afternoon stroll after school:)

March 11, 2015

Hanging out with daddy before school:)

Yes, she is always this happy!!

March 12, 2015

When I picked her up from daycare this is what she was doing! Her bow was flopping all over the place! Haha!! They call her the Toy Inspector at daycare because she will analyze each toy and sort them:)

Home Sweet Home with her daddy!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Out to eat at Kanpai for Uncle Jake's birthday

These pictures are truly PRICELESS!! This is the last time that Nanny Bob held Lilly!

Makes my heart so full and so sad all at the same time!! Lilly loved her so much! She just stared into her eyes like no other when Nanny would talk to her. And oh how Nanny loved her!!!

Of course she had everyone's attention:)

Saturday morning in her St. Patty's Day jammies:)

I saw this at Costco and it made me think of Nick's dad!!:)

Sunday, March 15 2015

Nick and I were getting ready for church and she was hanging out in the doorway to our bathroom...

she slowly kept turning herself around:)

Silly Girl!!

Daddy's Lucky Charm:)

Mom watched Lilly while Nick and I went to try out a new church with our friends Lacey and Eric. Then since we were all dressed up she wanted to take some pictures of the three of us...

Family Photo Session on the front porch:)

Afternoon stroll with our favorite:)

This happens 99% of the time:)

March 16, 2015

Before school:)

Ms. Nicole sent me this of Lilly at daycare:)

The straps on the seat she's in look like overall straps and it reminds me of a Leprechaun:)

My First St. Patrick's Day:)

March 17, 2015

Swinging after school:)

Chunky Legs:o)

No pants on:)

She's so excited...ALL of the time!!

The cutest!!

March 18, 2015

This is how I found her when I went to get her out of her car seat at daycare:)

All smiles!!

JoJo came by to see her! I walked out of the room into the kitchen and she yelled that Lilly was sitting up by herself! I ran in there with my camera and I got her as she was falling over!

March 19, 2015

Hanging out before school...mommy was on duty because daddy was out of town

Wearing my Jazzy Toes from my JoJo:)

Pink Eye again?!?:(

But still a happy girl at daycare!!:)

This was the afternoon that we got the news about Nanny Bob. Lilly was ready to bring smiles to everybody...especially her daddy. So sweet!

Her daddy let her taste an apple:)

She loves her singing Chick that her Grana got her... "You are my Sunshine"

We got Lilly in her jammies and headed over to Nick's dad's house. Lilly kept everyone smiling despite how we all were feeling. Aunt Nancy loved getting to see Lilly:)

God is so good! I can't say it enough and I know He will forever give me reasons to always say that! This was a devotion that I got the day after Nanny passed away. I sent it out in our Allen group message because I knew it would do exactly what God intended...comfort those who needed it more than ever!!

Friday morning...the best part of waking up!!

Oh how he loves her!!!

Look what I found in the backseat! The first time she's figured out how to pull her bow down!!

Who me?

Just a talking!!

At Poppy and JoJo's for the day!:) Hanging out in Poppy and JoJo's big 'ol bed!!

Watching their big 'ol T.V.!! She probably thought she was in the cartoon! Haha!!

Hey there beautiful!!!

Nick's Nanny Sandra came by with doughnuts to to bring us hugs and comfort.

Lilly kept pulling her scarf!

Two beautiful girls!! Lilly has some good genes that's for sure!!

Lilly got to see her sweet friend Banks and I got to see my sweet friend, Haley!!:)

Saturday, March 21

Headed over to Poppy and JoJo's:)

We were pulling all of the pictures we had of Nanny Bob to get a slideshow put together for her service.

Nanny's service was so sweet! There were a lot of people who came to show their respect for her and her family. Everybody loved getting to meet Lilly and she loved sharing a smile with everyone!:)

This picture was taken after the service.

We all wore animal print because Nanny loved animal print!!:)

She was trying to eat her bottle!!

Emily and Lilly after Nanny's service:)

Nanny's sister was getting to spend some time with Lilly:)

March 23, 2015

Monday morning...napping with daddy:)

JoJo came by to bring us stuff that we left over at their house.:)

Lilly is just now noticing her hands..."these things are connected to me"

She's amazed!

Eating real food for the first time!! A little combo of Sweet Potatoes, Corn, and Apples!!

YUUUUM!!!!:):)

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

A little early evening swinging time!:)

Wednesday, March 25

Lilly was telling her friends at daycare a thing or two:)

Ms. Stephanie is the best! Lilly just loves her daycare teachers and they love her to pieces!!

Her daddy was so excited to see her after school today!!

All dressed up in her Easter best!!

We were waiting to get her pictures made at the photographer's studio!!:)

She was teething so bad:(

But still smiling:):)

Here are a few of the adorable pictures in her Easter dress!:)

Friday, March 27

Friday night date night with Erica, Daniel, and Emersyn at Fuddruckers:):)

March 28

Saturday morning hanging out in mommy and daddy's bed:)

Just a talking:)

Sitting up like a big girl!!

Sunday, March 29

All dressed up in my Sunday Best:)

Monday, March 30th

MiMi was in town so we met her for dinner at Panera:)

Okay so I don't think she likes green beans!?!?

April 1st...before school:)

She looks soo pretty in this outfit! I just love it!!

After school we took a few more pictures:)

Evening stroller ride:)

God works in ways that we don't understand...He also works in ways and does things that are so surprising. When I picked Lilly up from daycare her teacher and I were talking and she was telling me that the day before when Nick picked her up the babies were all crying except Lilly of course and she made the comment that "they've been all out of sorts lately". She said that Nick replied (with a somber look on his face) "yes we have, too". So she told him that she was sorry about his Nanny passing away and she had been thinking about us. Well I had been thinking about asking Nick how he was doing, but I didn't know how to bring it up. Men handle things so differently than women do. I know when I am sad or hurt he usually knows how I'm feeling because I talk about it. But men don't like talking about their feelings...so I wasn't sure how or if I should say anything to him about it. Well God already had all of that worked out...that night I needed Easter cards to go with the gifts that I had for Lilly to give her daycare teachers. It was 8:30 and I really didn't feel like getting back out, so I decided to look in a bag that has all of the cards that anyone has gotten Lilly. I found a card that Nanny gave Lilly on the day of her baby dedication. It still had the money stapled inside. I started crying and I showed Nick and he started crying, too. It gave us the chance to be sad together and talk about Nanny. He said that he missed her so much and he was still filled with so much regret that he hadn't gone to see her more. He told her the Friday before she passed away that he was going to bring Lilly by to see her that next Friday. But The Lord took her home before he got the chance to do that. God has a plan...God has a purpose. We just have to trust Him and His plan and know that He works all things together for good. I am so glad that he had it planned for me to come across the card from Nanny so Nick and I had a reason to talk about things. It just amazes me how every little detail of our life is planned...every intricate detail. He carries us...He upholds us with his righteous right hand. He is so good!

Friday, April 3

The last day before spring break. Lilly's daycare was closed for Good Friday. My mom was also off of work...so guess who got to spend the day together?!? :) I'm not sure who was more excited about it...Grana or Lilly?!?

Kimberly came up to school around 3 to help get artwork hung up on a bulletin board in the hallway. Then, my mom surprised me by bringing Lilly by to see me at school for the first time!!! What a sweet surprise and a special experience for her to be at my school!!

Lilly's Aunt KK was putting tape on the back of the artwork to hang up and she put some on Lilly's toes! She loved it!:)

Dinner time!!!!

Lilly was in her jammies on the way to Poppy and JoJo's house.

We were going to dinner with them:)

Such a big girl holding the bottle all by herself!! :*(

She was getting her Easter basket from JoJo:)

Saturday, April 4th

Dressed and ready to go meet the Easter Bunny:)

She loves her Lilly Chime from JoJo:)

Somebody needed a nap and was trying to do anything but take one...including taking her bow off:)

Shopping with Aunt Madi, Dadddy, and Mommy:)

Waiting in line to see the Easter Bunny:)

The Easter Bunny made her sleepy:)

Mommy took me for a stroll while daddy and Aunt Madi were snoozin:)

Lilly's first Easter morning! Her daddy read her the Easter story from her Children's bible:)

She is wearing her "Some Bunny Loves Me" jammies that her Great Aunt Debu got her:)

She loved all of her goodies in her basket! Especially Minnie!!:):)

Minnie's nose is her favorite!

A little play time before church:)

Easter at my grandparent's house! This made me so happy...seeing them playing in their backyard! So many of my holidays there were spent playing in their big yard!! I can't for Lilly to play with them next year!:)

Okay, so our daughter was dressed in her beautiful Easter dress and then we get to my grandparent's house and it was blazing hot...80 degrees in their house to be exact! It felt cooler OUTSIDE!! My grandpa let us turn the air on, but he said he didn't want it to get below 78! Haha! Bless their hearts!! Anyway...this is why she was a naked girl...just a diaper and her bib so she could cool off!!

She loves little kids!!:)

Silly girl!

Our 2nd stop of the day was to Gandy and Nanny Sandra's where we got to see Aunt Madi again:)

Naked again at Poppy and JoJo's because it was so hot again at Nanny Sandra and Gandy's!

Poppy was entertaining her with the eggs:)

SPRING BREAK!!!!! Cuddling with my LOVE!!!!!!!

Monday, April 6

Play time!!!

Afternoon stroll...it was a little windy:)

She fell asleep:)

Swinging is her favorite!!:)

Tuesday, April 7

Little mid morning nap:)

My beautiful girl!!

Such a big girl!!

She's so cute looking at herself in the mirror now!!:)

Wednesday, April 8

Breakfast time for this 6 month old!!

YUM! Oatmeal and bananas!!

Then a bottle to finish off her breakfast:)

She loves seeing herself in the camera!!

Since I was diagnosed with strep on Tuesday night, Joy offered to take Lilly for the day on Wednesday. So they spent the day together running errands and hanging out!:) She sent me this picture of Lilly having a good time out and about with her and CeCe)

She didn't take a good nap while she was away with JoJo sooo she was a tired girl when she got home. She drank a little milk and was ready for a nap:) Daddy was too!!

Then it was story time with Lilly:)

I LOVE this picture of her holding the book!!

I put the doughnuts on her feet:):)

She loves seeing herself in the camera!! Her are some selfies by Lilly:)

We FINALLY did an impression of her hand and foot on her 1/2 birthday!:)

A little backyard photo session for her 6 months pictures:)

Then a stroll around the block:)

Which means that she will take a little nap half way through the walk:)

She was excited about having squash for her 1/2 birthday dinner:)

Happy 1/2 birthday to our ray of sunshine!! We can't believe it was 6 months ago already that you stole our hearts! Each day that passes just means we love you more than the day before...if it's possible to love you anymore than we already do!!

I've learned to...

whine or grunt when I want attention or my way with mommy and daddy

sit up all by myself

roll over...Rolly Polly!

make sounds like "bla-bla" and "da-da"

hold my bottle by myself

reach for things and grab them

I love...

swinging outside

riding in my stroller

laughing at my big brother Jonah

blowing bubbles

getting tickled on my tummy by my daddy

twisting and turning my hands and feet

eating oatmeal and solid foods ...bananas...carrots...peas...avocado...sweet potatoes...

people watching and smiling at everyone and everything

standing up

looking at myself in the mirror and watching videos of myself

laughing when mommy sings silly songs to me

playing peek-a-boo

watching cartoons

Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

I'm known for...

taking 45 minute naps

bringing smiles to everyone I see

burying my face in my blanket to fall asleep

rolling over during diaper and outfit changes

pulling my bow off my head

grabbing anything within reach and seeing what it tastes like

being "the best baby" according to everyone I meet

Lillian Mae Allen we love you so very, very much! You complete us! We don't even want to think about what life was like before you. It makes us happy and sad all at the same time to be celebrating you being 6 months. We cherish each memory we've made with you so far and we are looking forward to what God has ahead. We love, love, love you and you will always be our baby girl! Thank you God for our precious baby...the best gift we've ever received!

April 9th...

loving Spring Break and all of this time with my Princess:):)

The sweetest baby in all the world!! A little morning nap after being awake for a few hours:)

Grana took the day off to spend with us!!:)

Big girl holding the bottle all by herself!

A little banana snack! Grana is letting her hold the spoon all by herself!

She's such a big girl!! :*(

Then we went by Grana's work so she could show you off to everyone! They call you the Gerber baby because you are so perfect and pretty:)

We took you to the house in front of the office and took a few pictures in front of the pretty azaleas! This is where I had my bridal portraits done:)