Before I Was a Mom

"Before I was a Mom"

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a mom-

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a mom

I never held down a screaming child so doctor's could do tests or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew I would love being a mom.

Before I was a mom-

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. 

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. 

I didn't know that something so small 

could make me feel so important and happy. 

Before I was a Mom, 

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, 

the joy, 

the love, 

the heartache, 

the wonderment 

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, 

before I was a Mom.

c 

12:47 P.M. On July 14^th...Lilly is napping in her crib...she fell asleep in my arms in the glider rocking chair in her nursery. I held her for a little bit after she closed her eyes and fell asleep...it just felt so good to feel her little body in my arms. Summer break is less than a month away from being over. Back to early mornings...daycare drop offs...long days at work. I am trying to just stop and breathe in these last moments that I get to hold her in my arms, rock her, feed her, play with her. I get sad thinking about someone else getting to spend so much time with her while I'm at work. It breaks my heart. But at the same time I try not to complain too much. Having a few months off for summer break is definitely one of the most rewarding perks of being a teacher. I am cherishing this summer like never before. She will only be the age she is now once. Next summer she will be almost 2 years old...our summer days will be spent differently than they are now.

She is so precious. I love watching her play...she is so curious and so observant. She loves finding holes and sticking her fingers in them...Uncle Jacob's Crocs had lots of holes...the glider in our bedroom has holes where the screws go and she finds those every time she gets near the glider...there are holes in her swing outside where the screws go...if there is a hole then she will find it I promise! She has even found my nose holes and sticks her finger as far as she can up my nose...it doesn't feel very good, but I just laugh.:)

She is trying to figure out this world she's living in. I love it. She gets so excited about anything...from watching the door hit the door-stopper to seeing herself in the mirror or hearing familiar songs or cartoons on T.V. It reminds me to stop and look around and take in everything...to slow down and be more observant. The little things. The things that we walk by on a daily basis and take for granted. She finds the beauty in everything...the joy...the intricate details amaze her.
I love the heart and mind that God gives babies. So pure. So intrigued. So innocent. She wants to know how things work and she watches things being done over and over again and gets just as excited after seeing it for the 10^th time as she did the 1^st time. I love the newness of everyday things that she discovers over and over again. Her little hands will reach and grab for things and feel it, rub it, turn it over and over and just analyze it for every bit of what it's worth.

This world that she has been born into is a big and scary place. I know I can't protect her forever from knowing the evil in this world, but I hope I can for awhile longer. I want her to only know the happy, joyous, peaceful things that God has for us here on this Earth. I want her dreams to be only of those sweet things that make her smile. I want her heart and her mind to be overflowing with goodness of God and His creation and His people. And then at the same time I pray that she will come to know Him at an early age so that she will live for Him, serve Him, honor Him, praise Him all the days of her life. That way when she does encounter the evil in this world she will be armored and ready for battle. She will seek His power, strength, and discernment to spread His love throughout this world.