Dear Lilly,

     Somehow over night you turned 2. Just as quickly as you entered this world and captured my heart, we're already celebrating your 2nd birthday!! The past two years have been amazing! Learning you and pretty much relearning me and life, too. Just when I think I have it all figured out and feel like I can put on my Superhero Mom cape there's a new stage or a new mood or a new moment or a new way that you're expressing how you feel or what you want. This year has been an incredible roller coaster ride! You have learned and grown so very much!! You have reached and exceeded so many milestones this year! One thing is for sure...you are persistent, you are driven, and you don't give up! You are so determined!! Your strong willed personality is such a blessing when you use it in the right way! You are a born leader for sure! You command the room that you are in and you want all eyes on you. You take the lead and take charge in any and all circumstances. I remember being at the zoo with you for the first time over the summer and you were showing this little boy who was boss. Your daddy didn't know what to think! He just stood back speechless. I've learned so many times to just sit back and be quiet and watch you. One of my favorite things to do right now is watch you play pretend by yourself. You take your toys and interact with them...you give them voices and actions and it is the sweetest thing ever! I love seeing you read your books now. You hold the book in your still so tiny hands and read each page as if you are 10 years old. Seeing you do that shows how much you listen when you are read to and soak everything in!! You always ask so many questions...you want to know everything there is to know about everything! Daddy and I laugh sometimes because when we tell you something you will reply with "huh?" It is so cute and so funny! You are always making us laugh!! You make our world so happy and we love you so very, very much! My prayer for you in the years to come is that you keep your strong willed personality and use it in a way that gets others attention so you can show them who Jesus is and be His light. I pray that you stay determined and you never give up trying to accomplish something so you can show yourself that with diligence and persistence you can do anything you set your mind to! I pray that your heart continues to grow and love Jesus. I love it when you get excited about going to church and singing songs there and telling us the bible verses you learned. I love hearing you pray at night for our family and friends. I pray that your heart stays softened and opened to receive Jesus at a young age so you can live your life for Him and share Him with others. I pray that you always love us the way you do now! Your hugs and kisses and just being with you moments sometimes doing nothing are what I love the most!! I hope you always shower us with your hugs and kisses and want to spend time with us! I pray you always have a heart for others. You love to give big hugs when you see special people that you love and that means so much to them! You never like to see anyone sad. You always give Jonah a bye hug when we leave and tell him we will be back soon. I pray that you always think of others and want to make them smile and feel good. We started our Mommy and Me dance class this fall and it has been so much fun! I have enjoyed seeing your spunky personality every Monday night! You hop and run and leap and flip across that dance floor with such pride! I hope you always want to be the light in the room you are in! I pray that you keep the yearning that you have for books and for learning! It is such a special gift! You love, love, love to read and want to know all there is to know. You love to watch Wild Kratts and other TV shows that teach you new things. You love learning about animals and telling everybody when you learn something new! I pray that your inquisitive little mind keeps asking and wondering and you never stop wanting to know things. I pray that the smile you share with others keeps shining on your face for years to come because it is contagious. All that see it smile back just as big! My favorite words to hear you say are "I love you mama". I will never forget when you wrapped your arms around my neck in Fuddruckers after pictures with Santa and whispered those sweet words to me. My heart just melted right there. I love how you need me and I pray that you will always know that you do and that I am here for you. I tell you all the time that "I love you all day, EVERY DAY" and I mean that more than you will ever know! I tell you too that "I love you more than ALL the stars in the SKY and I love you to the moon and back AND BACK AND BACK" and nothing will ever be more true than those words! I pray that you always look to your daddy like you do right now. I pray that he is the model man that you compare all others to because of his love for Jesus and his love for you. Your future husband has some big shoes to fill for sure! I love seeing him hold you and hold your hand because it's at those times that you still seem so little. Your daddy loves you so very, very much and I hope and pray that you always know and feel his love because there is none like it. You light up his world and have him wrapped around your little fingers so tight! I love hearing you say "We are eating with our fam-ah-lee" when it is us three at a restaurant or sitting around our table at home. I pray that you always know how special you are to us and how thankful we are for God giving us you...our most precious gift yet. You never cease to amaze me Lillian Mae Allen and I pray that God along with all of your family can say that now and for years and years to come! I love you so very, very much my precious baby girl!
Love always and always,
Mommy

Christmas Through Her Eyes

It's just 3 days before THE BIG DAY! Somehow we are about to celebrate another Christmas. It all seems like it is going by so quickly. This Christmas season has been so fun! Lilly is really having a ball and enjoying everything so much! It is so refreshing to see her excitement at Santa and Christmas lights and all of the other sights and sounds of Christmas. We have tried our best to experience all kinds of fun "Christmassey" events with her over the past month or so...here are a few...


*Stone Mountain: We went with Cheryl and Marty and it was SO much fun!! Lilly loved it all!! We listened to "The Gingerbread Man" and she had a her picture taken with him, we met Rudolph and Clarice and had our picture taken with them, we watched "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in 4D"...Lilly was a little scared because of the snow falling and the seats shaking but it was fun!...she wasn't too sure what to think about Bumble either...she would say "I don't like him" and scrunch her little face! :)...we met Ms. Clause and Santa, too!...there was a parade through the town...we went on a train ride and saw all kinds of lights and pretty scenery! It was the best time!! Lilly loved every bit of it and loves to talk about it even weeks later!

*Dickens of a Christmas: This tradition began last year with us and my mom. Once again we ate downtown and walked the streets admiring the people dressed up, singing carols, selling goodies, the live nativity scene, and of course the big Christmas tree downtown. Lilly loved it all! Nick and my mom got a warm drink and Lilly ate a cupcake as we walked around downtown. It was a lot of fun! :)

*Downtown Greer: We met Erica, Daniel, and Emersyn at a pizza restaurant in Greer and then after we ate we walked around. We saw Santa who read "T'was the Night Before Christmas" to everyone! Then we got to see Santa light the big Christmas tree. It was a lot of fun with our sweet friends!

*Christmas Performance at First North: We took Lilly to her first Christmas performance at First North with Poppy, JoJo, and Granna. It was a lot of fun! She loved the bears and the toy soliders the most! She has been marching around like soliders ever since then! :) She also loved the ballerinas. :) The show lasted over an hour and she did great up until the end. When the pastor was talking and praying she yelled out "I ready to go Mama". So red faced and all we scooted out of there as fast as we could.

*Christmas Performance at New Life: She loved watching the kids perform and sing the songs at our church's performance one Sunday morning. But when she was ready to go she was sure to let everyone know!!

*McAdenville Lights: Granna and Paul took her to see the lights and decorations and she was amazed! She kept saying "They worked so hard, Granna!" :)

*Christmas Cookies and Ornaments: Adri, Brandon, Kadence, Kennedie, Kannon, Amanda, Kelbyn, Taelyn, and Bailey came over and we baked cookies and made ornaments. It was a lot of fun! The kids were more interested in running around and playing than baking cookies, but when it came time for decorating them with sprinkles and icing they were excited! It was a fun first year tradition and we are definitely making plans tom do it again next year! :)

*Polar Express: We bought the book and read it, then we bought the movie and Lilly watched the whole thing! Then we went and stayed in a Watershed Cabin in Bryson City, NC Monday night. We met Lacey, Eric, JT, and Oliver and we ate at a BBQ restaurant and then went to our cabin. The next day we ate breakfast, hung out, then got ready and ate at an Italian restaurant in Bryson City. We came back for a nap (Lilly would not fall asleep!) then we left for our Polar Express Train Ride. It was A LOT of fun! Very magical and "Christmassey". They read the book on the train ride, served hot chocolate, a chocolate chip cookie, danced and sang Christmas carols! We had a blast!

We have also enjoyed everyday things like...
*Watching Christmas movies...she loves Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!! She is still so funny about Bumble though! I bought her a little stuffed animal Bumble so she would realize he is not scary.:) She also has a little Rudolph stuffed animal and Rudolph pajamas that Joy got her and a Clarice lovie that I bought her. To say she is rotten is an understatement! :)
*Singing Christmas Carols...she loves to sing Christmas songs! They are on in our car 24-7. She will burst out singing "Frosty", "You better watch out", "Winter Wonderland" and any other Christmas song you can think of! She is too funny! I love hearing some words that she gets mixed up...like in "Frosty" she will sing "eyes made out of GOLD". :) Too cute!!
*Christmas Decorations...she loves seeing lights and other decorations outside on houses and in yards. Her favorites are the blow up ones of Santa and Frosty. She gets so excited when she sees them! :) She also loves the decorations in our yard, too. When Nick first put lights on a tree in our yard he took her out to show her and she said "Ohhhh pretty!"
*Nativity Scenes: She loves seeing baby Jesus in the nativity scenes. We read books about Jesus all year and she knows who He is. Then at Christmas time she gets to see Him everywhere! She gets so excited and she wants to touch Him and play with Him. Nick's mom bought her a rubber set and she loves to get them out and play with them! :) They had a birthday party for Jesus at church last Sunday in her little class. She had a cupcake and got a little goodie bag with candy and a "Happy Birthday Jesus" cup, too. :) She definitely knows the REASON for the SEASON! :)

Christmas is definitely different through her eyes. She notices everything and calls attention to it no matter where we are. It makes it so much fun because she lights up and gets so excited! I can't help but smile and get just as excited! It takes the ordinary out of everyday life for sure. The lights haven't looked so bright and beautiful as when I saw them when I was a child. The nativity scene has been looked at and talked about more than ever this Christmas. No matter how many times she sees lights and decorations and baby Jesus in the manger, it never seems to get old to her. She soaks it up every time and looks just as excited as she was the first time she saw it. How special it is to experience Christmas with her and to make these special memories! I feel so blessed and so thankful to have these times with her. Christmas through her eyes is so new and refreshing and I'm so glad that I get to share these experiences with her and we will cherish for years to come.

It makes me think of my daddy and how he was always such a big kid at Christmas time. He would get all wrapped up in the movies, and decorations and of course the food and sweet treats! He loved it all! I keep thinking about his last Christmas with us. We went over to his house on Christmas Eve morning for breakfast. He wanted to make Red Velvet Pancakes like they were advertising on TV for IHop! He was determined to make them! I can't remember exactly how they turned out, but just being with him and sharing in his excitement that morning was so special! He always made the best omelets and pancakes! They were so fluffy! His specialty is definitely breakfast food!! I bet he will be cooking a nice big, fluffy batch of pancakes in heaven this Christmas Eve! Have one for me daddy! :)

Christmas has a way of bringing about memories from the past and I just want to relive them all over again. I just let myself go there to that time and that place and feel everything like I did back then at those very moments. Sometimes it hurts because it feels so real and then I realize I am missing those people that I shared those special times with. I can't have them back with me, but how grateful, how thankful I am that I get to savor those memories over and over again.

I know these memories that Lilly is making right now will be ones that she and I will both remember and think back on for years to come. Thanking God for this time together with my family and friends to etch these precious memories in time that will never be forgotten.

Lilly's Christmas Memory Lane

First Christmas 2014

Having Santa pictures taken at the studio. She found her thumb for the first time! 

Having a little snack in between pictures :)

Our beautiful girl!

Aunt Kelly stealing some snuggles!

Visiting MiMi, Grandpa,  Kayleigh, and Madison

First Christmas as a family of 3:)

Loving on my sweet girl!

He couldn't get enough of her!

More than all the stars in the...sky...

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a memory must be worth a million!! Today is November 18th. I just laid Lilly down for her nap. We had her Thanksgiving party at school today. Such a sweet time to celebrate together. These moments. These memories. Are so dear to my heart, but time just feels like it is passing by in the blink of an eye. Lilly is so attached to me right now. She has terrible separation anxiety when I leave her. When she was in her crib just a minute ago she wanted me to sing to her. As I was singing I thought about how horrible I sound, but how she always wants me to sing. It's just really about us being together though. Not about the songs or my singing ability inability. She just wants her mommy with her. Tears began streaming down my face and my singing went from bad to worse with my shaky voice. I kept singing. After every song she would say "you not leaving" and I would say "no I not leaving" as I rubbed her arm softly and began to sing another song. I started singing "Silent Night" to her and it made me think about Mary and Jesus and her love for her little boy. There is no love like the love that a Momma has for her children. There's just nothing in the world like it. I kept rubbing her little arm and my fingers went over what's left of her chubby wrist and the tears started dropping even quicker. She will never know the depth of my love for her. There's no way she will. I love her so much it hurts. By this time my voice was so shaky as I tried to keep singing and holding back the tears at the same time. I sang "Amazing Grace" to her and the words sunk in like never before. "Who saved a wretch like me"... how undeserving I am to be so blessed...to be forgiven by my Savior...to be Lilly's mom. I feel so unworthy. But His grace just covers me over and over again. All that I ever was, all that I am, all that I ever will be, wrapped up in my sweet Lilly. Her sweet little eyes had closed and she was off to dreamland. I kept rubbing her arm for a few minutes and I just looked at her as she lay there. I wanted to stay and just watch her as she slept, but I knew my crying wasn't going to stop so I quietly tiptoed out. 

I was just telling Erica this week, after she shared a story with me about Emersyn, how hard it is to be a mommy...How often times I beat myself up over and over again for the "ugly mommy" times. The times when I lose my patience and then after wish I had just stopped and thought before I responded or reacted. It's hard sometimes though...In those moments that seem "the worst of the worst". God is at work in my life through Lilly in incredible ways. My heart is convicted time and time again and God is teaching me to slow down, stop, pray it through and then respond. I've been joking around with everyone..."I forget what do they say about the 2s?...Oh, they are TERRIFIC?!" ;-) Her outbursts and "need it right now", "my way or no way" times are so frequent it gets hard to always respond the right way. But once again I know God is at work. He keeps reminding me how now more than ever important my quiet time is with Him DAILY. In order for my heart and my mind to be focused on Him and to do what He would have me to do. Through Lilly I am learning so much!

Lilly's personality is hilarious!! She is just becoming this "little person". Nick and I are constantly laughing at things she does and says. I wish I constantly had a video camera on her so I could capture all of the "funnies". :) Here are a few recents...

*The other day I picked her up from daycare and she had her banana in the car and her fruit pouch. When she finished those she said "I want something else". Haha! I thought it was so funny to hear her verbally tell me she wanted more to snack on!:)

*One night I was in the chair with her rocking her and reading before bed. Nick was sitting in the floor in her room. Nick and I started talking about something and Lilly looked up at me and said "Don't talk Mama." Haha!! She was sure to tell me to get back to reading and stop talking to daddy! It was her turn! Haha!!:)

*One of the sweetest things is to hear her say "I love you mommy". It melts my heart like no other!!!

*We took her to Strawberry Hill for a hayride and to go to the pumpkin patch. You had to ask the "Troll" if you could come through. It was really a man dressed up with a straw hat and a beard holding a rake. For the longest time Lilly would talk about "Mr. Troll". She didn't forget him and she would say "I don't like him". :)

*When we were on the hayride we got to feed the cows and one cow showed her how much he liked her when he took his long, wet tongue and licked her face!! She was not happy with that!!

*Sometimes at night when I am singing to her at bedtime when she is ready for me to leave she will say "I love you mommy. Out door mommy". That lets me know the singing can stop and it is time for me to go. :))

*Nick ordered tickets for us to go ride "The Polar Express" train and see Santa in December. We've been talking to Lilly about it and she is so excited. One morning Nick was taking her to school and a police had someone pulled over. Nick told her that the policeman was giving the person a ticket. Lilly said "to go ride the train and see Santa." Hahaha!! Doesn't that person wish that is what the ticket was for!! Too funny!!!:):)

*I bought Nick some egg nog and Lilly saw it in the fridge. She called it "Christmas Milk" when she saw it because of the picture on it!!:) So sweet!! I told her "yes it is Christmas Milk for Santa and we will leave him Christmas cookies, too :)

*I love giving her butterfly kisses and Eskimo kisses!! She will do the Eskimo kisses back, but gets to giggling so much that it's hard to get to her eyes and give her butterfly kisses sometimes. It is so sweet!!:)

*Another sweet thing that we say together mostly at bedtime is...I will say " I love you more than all the stars in the.." and she will say "sky"...then I will say "I love you to the moon and..." and she will say "back". I always tell her to have sweet dreams and I will see her in the morning. That is what my Gram used to always tell me at bedtime. :)

I will end this post with a few pictures from her 2nd Birthday Photo Shoot... I have SO much to catch up on this blog. I am HOPING to get some of it done over the next few weeks when we have some breaks from school! Anyway...here are a few of my favorites of our sweet family and our precious girl who I can't believe is already 2!!!!

"Can I hold you forever?"

"Uh, huh."...Lilly.
Oh how the summer months go by too quickly. I started out at the beginning of June with my mental "Bucket List" for Lilly...new memories...new experiences...new people...new places...new treasures to have and remember forever. We did stay busy this summer...soaking up every moment that we had together. I remember it started off pretty rough at first...several days of "time-out" and some tears. Looking back on it now I think she was just seeing how far she could get with me since she wasn't used to being with me all day except Saturday and Sunday. She learned pretty quickly that when I said "no" she needed to stop what she was doing. Soon she realized that we were going to be together EVERY DAY and Mommy meant business if she was doing something she shouldn't. Her little personality is so funny and oh it reminds me of myself SO SO much!!! Kinda scary to be honest. She will say "no, I don't want that" almost immediately and then change her mind right away. She will go back and forth a few times before making up her mind. She can be so hard headed sometimes and I just know she is going to give this momma a fit especially when she gets older. Teenage years please don't come too soon!!! ;-) Goodness I love her though!!! With a CRAZY LOVE! When I don't think it's possible to love her anymore than I do somehow, someway I DO!!! 
Some mornings we would wake up....her normal wake-up time ended up being around 7/7:30...she slept a little later a few days, but not many. I would hear her talking on the monitor and go in her room..."knock, knock Lilly....are you awake"....she would smile her great big smile at me...sometimes she would say "mommy in" and I would climb into her crib with her and lay and play for a few minutes...other times I would scoop her up in my arms and go to the chair in her room...she would lay her head on my chest and I would rock her slowly...other times we would read some books. Then it was time to head into the kitchen for breakfast...the normal two choices..."oat oat" or grits and cheese. Nick would make cheese eggs just about every morning, too. And we would have french toast bites, cinnamon rolls, or pancakes. Oh and of course her cup of milk! YUM!:) "Toons...toons daddy"....time for cartoons...she loved to express her dislikes on what shows not to watch..."no Lion Guard"..."no wild kratts"...;) Finally we would find something fun to watch for a bit while we ate breakfast. I got her a tray to sit at on the floor and we would eat our breakfast at her tray and watch "toons". She would say "mommy sit"....and there I would sit with my bowl of oatmeal and coffee. :) Soon toys would start coming out of her toy box or we would go downstairs to her playroom to play. Around 12 would be lunch time and then nap time. I loved getting to do our "rock and read" everyday at nap time and hold her close before laying her down. We loved our library days on Tuesday and Thursday. The videos that I have of her singing and dancing at the library are priceless! She loves to watch them over and over again! We loved having play dates with friends at the park and lunch dates, too! We had a blast on our beach vacations with family and loved seeing how much fun she had this year in the ocean and the sand. It went by all too quickly as everything in life does, but this summer was filled with unforgettable memories that I am so thankful to have been able to share and experience with my sweet girl!!

Being a mommy is something that can't be summed up in just a few words. I truly don't even know how to put my feelings into words when it comes to what it feels like. God never lets me forget how much I longed to be a mommy. He never lets me forget the countless nights that I cried myself to sleep praying to get pregnant. That yearning was one, that at times, I didn't know if God would fulfill or not. Starting a family wasn't something that Nick and I weren't planning or praying about when I got pregnant the first time. My daddy had been really sick from cancer and he just passed away. Nick felt like it was "the right time" for us to "try" so two 'attempts' later and we saw two pink lines on a pregnancy test. I was overjoyed at being pregnant as it did seem like the rainbow after the storm and it would be the sunshine beating through the gray clouds of what my family and I were going through after losing my daddy. Nick and I were overjoyed and busting at the seams to tell our family. Scouring the internet looking for the "perfect" way to share our news. The upcoming family gatherings for Easter was deemed as the perfect opportunity to shower our family with the surprising news of a baby on the way. Anticipation and excitement filled our hearts at what was ahead for our soon to be family of 3 (4 including Jonah;)) Our family was over the moon excited as well and everybody shared their thoughts and ideas on names, etc. and loved passing the news onto anyone and everyone that they knew. At this time I still didn't really grasp that I was going to be a "mom". It was just I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby in November...Thanksgiving Day was the due date. My doctor's appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat shifted everything in another direction. There would not be a family of 3 that year...there would not be a baby being added to our extended families...God had our baby in Heaven with Him.
The journey that God took us on after the miscarriage was one that I had never experienced before. I had never clinged to Him so much and so often. I looked forward to waking up every morning and reading my devotional and the bible. God was speaking to me like never before. I was memorizing scripture and using it to get me through the tough times. I would recite the verse when I felt at my lowest points and right away I felt a sense of peace from the Holy Spirit. 
May...June...July...August...September...October...November...Decemeber...then...January 2014...
When we found out that I was pregnant with Lilly I was so relieved. I loved that my prayer to be a mommy was answered and that I was going to be able to give Nick a baby...and me too...but let's be honest...every woman wants to be able to give her husband a baby if it something that he longs for. My whole pregnancy I was a nervous wreck. I was elated at being pregnant, but I held my breath so often. I was so fearful that something was going to happen to my baby. I was afraid that once again I would lose this precious life was growing inside of me. I read my devotional and my bible and journaled a lot too. And we prayed and we prayed. I was at the doctor or at least calling to speak to a nurse if something made me think there was something wrong. I remember one day getting out of the car at school and the door hit my belly. I was so afraid that I had hurt her. I would check the internet before I ate ANYTHING...is this cheese OK for pregnant women? Can I eat deli meat? Can I eat seafood? If so, then what kind is safe? I'm telling you I was over the top worried! My diet consisted of just about the same meals and snacks...ones that Google had deemed SAFE for pregnant women! I didn't know it then, but God had already made me a MOM! 
After Lilly arrived I can say that my fear didn't go away and I don't think it ever will. I constantly worry about her. The hill on the side of our house looks like Mount Everest to me and I scream every time she starts to run down it and I grab her hand. I have to protect her. That's my job. If something were to happen to her and there was something that I could have possibly done to prevent it then I don't know what I would do. When she pulls Jonah's tail I scream in fear that he will bite her if she pulls too hard. When I give her an apple for a snack I hold my breath until she finishes it and I tell her a million times "tiny bite" "chew it up". 
She's 20 months now and such a bright and vibrant toddler. I hold her so often and wonder where my little baby girl went. We watch videos and look at pictures of her when she was so tiny and fragile and new. I sometimes think that if I watch enough videos of those days then maybe they will return and time will slow down for all of us. I don't want my girl to get big. I don't want my girl to not need her mommy. But you know what? She always will. And I am already learning that there are times that at first she doesn't think she needs me, but soon realizes that she does. There will always be times like that in her life. She's my independent, strong willed, intelligent, fearless, curious, funny girl! But she will always know when she still needs her mommy.
Independent
She wants to do IT ALL on HER OWN these days. From feeding herself, to figuring out how to get her shapes in the right whole in her toy. "No mama"... "No daddy"....are common every day with her. She is large and in charge and I have learned to just sit back and let her do things on her own. When she lets me help her I will, but I do know that she is learning so much more when she does it herself. 
Strong Willed
She doesn't let anything stop her and she goes after what she wants. We are trying to help her learn that everything in this world is not hers. She has a habit right now of telling people "No" anytime and anywhere. Nick first experienced this at the zoo a few weeks ago when a little boy was driving the truck at the playground and Lilly walks over to him and tells him "No" because she wanted to drive it. Nick had a talk with her to try to help her understand that she had to wait her turn. :)
Intelligent
People tell us all the time how smart she is when are out in public. They can't believe how much she knows and can say at only 20 months old. She sings songs on her own and fills in the blank with me on our special songs. She counted to 10 for the first time 2 weeks ago and I screamed as soon as she did it! It scared her and she jumped when I screamed and we just laughed! She is saying her ABC's now, too! She will leave out some letters, but she has most of them! We carry on conversations with each other all of the time and she always remembers everything that we did, when, where, how, who we were with....and she recounts things that have happened all of the time. She amazes me everyday with how smart she is!
Fearless
This mama who is full of what it seems is NOTHING BUT FEAR most of the time has learned so much from her precious girl. That hill that she runs over to and looks back at me before she takes off is HUGE to me and a broken bone waiting to happen, but Lilly doesn't see that. She sees the fun and joy when she looks at it. She rushes up to new things with anticpation and excitement and seemingly no fear. Her only "known fears", the ones where she says "hold you tight", are "tractors" (lawn mowers), "airplanes" and "copters" (helicopters), and the "baccum" (vaccum cleaner). :) And I always tell her that I will hold her tight anytime!!! She rode a pony for the first time at the beach last week and she sat on it like she was a pro rider and had been riding for years! It was beyond precious!!
Curious
She loves looking at bugs now and will walk right over to one and say "What that?"...most of the time she will respond with "Ewww" "Gross" and leave it alone, but there have been times when she has touched one or picked it up. She is constantly exploring and learning and as always reminding me to take the time to look at the "ants" and "spiders" and "rocks". The little things...that people in this busy life just walk right by. She is so curious and she lights up at the littlest things.
Funny
When we are playing she will do something and make me laugh so hard sometimes! She is soo funny!!!! Her laugh seriously lights up the room. It is so deep and real and happy!! It is contagious! Life is fun to her and everything has a way to be funny! She reminds me to laugh and not take things too seriously!!
Lilly has changed me and my life in so many ways. I am stronger...I am more sensitive...I am a different, better person...Lilly has transformed me and my life forever. I get overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of how much responsibility I have at being her mom. I know she is watching me. All. the. time. I think of how God is watching me all the time too. I think of how I am to reflect Him in all that I do and say and that like others around me Lilly is watching me and she is learning...how I respond to things and situations and how I use my words. I want her to have a mom to watch and learn from and want to grow up to be just like. 

It's October 2nd now...in just 6 days Lilly will be 2. I don't know how it has gone by so fast. It truly is crazy to think of how much time has passed. I will do another birthday post in a few weeks. And I am hopefully going to get caught up on posting pictures, too! :)

"Can I hold you forever?"

"Uh, huh."...Lilly.
Oh how the summer months go by too quickly. I started out at the beginning of June with my mental "Bucket List" for Lilly...new memories...new experiences...new people...new places...new treasures to have and remember forever. We did stay busy this summer...soaking up every moment that we had together. I remember it started off pretty rough at first...several days of "time-out" and some tears. Looking back on it now I think she was just seeing how far she could get with me since she wasn't used to being with me all day except Saturday and Sunday. She learned pretty quickly that when I said "no" she needed to stop what she was doing. Soon she realized that we were going to be together EVERY DAY and Mommy meant business if she was doing something she shouldn't. Her little personality is so funny and oh it reminds me of myself SO SO much!!! Kinda scary to be honest. She will say "no, I don't want that" almost immediately and then change her mind right away. She will go back and forth a few times before making up her mind. She can be so hard headed sometimes and I just know she is going to give this momma a fit especially when she gets older. Teenage years please don't come too soon!!! ;-) Goodness I love her though!!! With a CRAZY LOVE! When I don't think it's possible to love her anymore than I do somehow, someway I DO!!! 
Some mornings we would wake up....her normal wake-up time ended up being around 7/7:30...she slept a little later a few days, but not many. I would hear her talking on the monitor and go in her room..."knock, knock Lilly....are you awake"....she would smile her great big smile at me...sometimes she would say "mommy in" and I would climb into her crib with her and lay and play for a few minutes...other times I would scoop her up in my arms and go to the chair in her room...she would lay her head on my chest and I would rock her slowly...other times we would read some books. Then it was time to head into the kitchen for breakfast...the normal two choices..."oat oat" or grits and cheese. Nick would make cheese eggs just about every morning, too. And we would have french toast bites, cinnamon rolls, or pancakes. Oh and of course her cup of milk! YUM!:) "Toons...toons daddy"....time for cartoons...she loved to express her dislikes on what shows not to watch..."no Lion Guard"..."no wild kratts"...;) Finally we would find something fun to watch for a bit while we ate breakfast. I got her a tray to sit at on the floor and we would eat our breakfast at her tray and watch "toons". She would say "mommy sit"....and there I would sit with my bowl of oatmeal and coffee. :) Soon toys would start coming out of her toy box or we would go downstairs to her playroom to play. Around 12 would be lunch time and then nap time. I loved getting to do our "rock and read" everyday at nap time and hold her close before laying her down. We loved our library days on Tuesday and Thursday. The videos that I have of her singing and dancing at the library are priceless! She loves to watch them over and over again! We loved having play dates with friends at the park and lunch dates, too! We had a blast on our beach vacations with family and loved seeing how much fun she had this year in the ocean and the sand. It went by all too quickly as everything in life does, but this summer was filled with unforgettable memories that I am so thankful to have been able to share and experience with my sweet girl!!

Being a mommy is something that can't be summed up in just a few words. I truly don't even know how to put my feelings into words when it comes to what it feels like. God never lets me forget how much I longed to be a mommy. He never lets me forget the countless nights that I cried myself to sleep praying to get pregnant. That yearning was one, that at times, I didn't know if God would fulfill or not. Starting a family wasn't something that Nick and I were planning or praying about when I got pregnant the first time. My daddy had been really sick from cancer and he just passed away. Nick felt like it was "the right time" for us to "try" so two 'attempts' later and we saw two pink lines on a pregnancy test. I was overjoyed at being pregnant as it did seem like the rainbow after the storm and it would be the sunshine beating through the gray clouds of what my family and I were going through after losing my daddy. Nick and I were overjoyed and busting at the seams to tell our family. Scouring the internet looking for the "perfect" way to share our news. The upcoming family gatherings for Easter was deemed as the perfect opportunity to shower our family with the surprising news of a baby on the way. Anticipation and excitement filled our hearts at what was ahead for our soon to be family of 3 (4 including Jonah;)) Our family was over the moon excited as well and everybody shared their thoughts and ideas on names, etc. and loved passing the news onto anyone and everyone that they knew. At this time I still didn't really grasp that I was going to be a "mom". It was just I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby in November...Thanksgiving Day was the due date. My doctor's appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat shifted everything in another direction. There would not be a family of 3 that year...there would not be a baby being added to our extended families...God had our baby in Heaven with Him.
The journey that God took us on after the miscarriage was one that I had never experienced before. I had never clinged to Him so much and so often. I looked forward to waking up every morning and reading my devotional and the bible. God was speaking to me like never before. I was memorizing scripture and using it to get me through the tough times. I would recite the verse when I felt at my lowest points and right away I felt a sense of peace from the Holy Spirit. 
May...June...July...August...September...October...November...Decemeber...then...January 2014...
When we found out that I was pregnant with Lilly I was so relieved. I loved that my prayer to be a mommy was answered and that I was going to be able to give Nick a baby...and me too...but let's be honest...every woman wants to be able to give her husband a baby if it something that he longs for. My whole pregnancy I was a nervous wreck. I was elated at being pregnant, but I held my breath so often. I was so fearful that something was going to happen to my baby. I was afraid that once again I would lose this precious life was growing inside of me. I read my devotional and my bible and journaled a lot too. And we prayed and we prayed. I was at the doctor or at least calling to speak to a nurse if something made me think there was something wrong. I remember one day getting out of the car at school and the door hit my belly. I was so afraid that I had hurt her. I would check the internet before I ate ANYTHING...is this cheese OK for pregnant women? Can I eat deli meat? Can I eat seafood? If so, then what kind is safe? I'm telling you I was over the top worried! My diet consisted of just about the same meals and snacks...ones that Google had deemed SAFE for pregnant women! I didn't know it then, but God had already made me a MOM! 
After Lilly arrived I can say that my fear didn't go away and I don't think it ever will. I constantly worry about her. The hill on the side of our house looks like Mount Everest to me and I scream every time she starts to run down it and I grab her hand. I have to protect her. That's my job. If something were to happen to her and there was something that I could have possibly done to prevent it then I don't know what I would do. When she pulls Jonah's tail I scream in fear that he will bite her if she pulls too hard. When I give her an apple for a snack I hold my breath until she finishes it and I tell her a million times "tiny bite" "chew it up". 
She's 20 months now and such a bright and vibrant toddler. I hold her so often and wonder where my little baby girl went. We watch videos and look at pictures of her when she was so tiny and fragile and new. I sometimes think that if I watch enough videos of those days then maybe they will return and time will slow down for all of us. I don't want my girl to get big. I don't want my girl to not need her mommy. But you know what? She always will. And I am already learning that there are times that at first she doesn't think she needs me, but soon realizes that she does. There will always be times like that in her life. She's my independent, strong willed, intelligent, fearless, curious, funny girl! But she will always know when she still needs her mommy.
Independent
She wants to do IT ALL on HER OWN these days. From feeding herself, to figuring out how to get her shapes in the right whole in her toy. "No mama"... "No daddy"....are common every day with her. She is large and in charge and I have learned to just sit back and let her do things on her own. When she lets me help her I will, but I do know that she is learning so much more when she does it herself. 
Strong Willed
She doesn't let anything stop her and she goes after what she wants. We are trying to help her learn that everything in this world is not hers. She has a habit right now of telling people "No" anytime and anywhere. Nick first experienced this at the zoo a few weeks ago when a little boy was driving the truck at the playground and Lilly walks over to him and tells him "No" because she wanted to drive it. Nick had a talk with her to try to help her understand that she had to wait her turn. :)
Intelligent
People tell us all the time how smart she is when are out in public. They can't believe how much she knows and can say at only 20 months old. She sings songs on her own and fills in the blank with me on our special songs. She counted to 10 for the first time 2 weeks ago and I screamed as soon as she did it! It scared her and she jumped when I screamed and we just laughed! She is saying her ABC's now, too! She will leave out some letters, but she has most of them! We carry on conversations with each other all of the time and she always remembers everything that we did, when, where, how, who we were with....and she recounts things that have happened all of the time. She amazes me everyday with how smart she is!
Fearless
This mama who is full of what it seems is NOTHING BUT FEAR most of the time has learned so much from her precious girl. That hill that she runs over to and looks back at me before she takes off is HUGE to me and a broken bone waiting to happen, but Lilly doesn't see that. She sees the fun and joy when she looks at it. She rushes up to new things with anticpation and excitement and seemingly no fear. Her only "known fears", the ones where she says "hold you tight", are "tractors" (lawn mowers), "airplanes" and "copters" (helicopters), and the "baccum" (vaccum cleaner). :) And I always tell her that I will hold her tight anytime!!! She rode a pony for the first time at the beach last week and she sat on it like she was a pro rider and had been riding for years! It was beyond precious!!
Curious
She loves looking at bugs now and will walk right over to one and say "What that?"...most of the time she will respond with "Ewww" "Gross" and leave it alone, but there have been times when she has touched one or picked it up. She is constantly exploring and learning and as always reminding me to take the time to look at the "ants" and "spiders" and "rocks". The little things...that people in this busy life just walk right by. She is so curious and she lights up at the littlest things.
Funny
When we are playing she will do something and make me laugh so hard sometimes! She is soo funny!!!! Her laugh seriously lights up the room. It is so deep and real and happy!! It is contagious! Life is fun to her and everything has a way to be funny! She reminds me to laugh and not take things too seriously!!
Lilly has changed me and my life in so many ways. I am stronger...I am more sensitive...I am a different, better person...Lilly has transformed me and my life forever. I get overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of how much responsibility I have at being her mom. I know she is watching me. All. the. time. I think of how God is watching me all the time too. I think of how I am to reflect Him in all that I do and say and that like others around me Lilly is watching me and she is learning...how I respond to things and situations and how I use my words. I want her to have a mom to watch and learn from and want to grow up to be just like. 

It's October 2nd now...in just 6 days Lilly will be 2. I don't know how it has gone by so fast. It truly is crazy to think of how much time has passed. I will do another birthday post in a few weeks. And I am hopefully going to get caught up on posting pictures, too! :)

Priceless Memories...May 2016

May 2016

Trying on a hat at Target:) She only wanted it on for like 2 seconds! But at least I got a picture of her wearing it!! She loves to go to Target and ride in the red buggy! It is similar to the one from her daycare that she loves riding in!!:)

Headed to get in the car with her new lunch box 

and holding her phone!! Such a big girl!!!;-)

Aunt KK came for a boat ride!

Priceless!!!

Walk with me daddy...

Fish Camp dinner means looking at the ducks:)

A new toy!!

Wearing daddy's shoes!!

Bike ride!!

We found a lizard friend!

Looking at daddy's new desk in his office!

Just hanging out on the porch:)

So curious!

She decided to color with her crayon on 

the deck so she had to clean it off:)

This is what you get after she plays! 

Jonah couldn't find a clear spot to take a nap!!:)

Playing in the indoor playground at her daycare:)

She loves to slide!

Visiting Grana to eat dinner and have an 

ice cream for dessert:)

Dinner date with Haley and Banks:)

 Checking the mail:)

"Rock"

Checking on her bird feeder that Granna got her:)

Playing on Uncle Jacob's boat:)

Visiting Gracie and Maggie:)

Daddy makes the fluffiest yummiest eggs!

Daddy's vote is BLUE...BOY for Aunt 

Kelly and Uncle Josh's Gender Reveal Party!!

It's a GIRL!! Congratulations Aunt Kelly 

and Uncle Josh!!!

The cutest!!!!

Cutting grass with daddy!!

Playing in the ball pool!

This was Easter when Kelly and Josh told 

us they were having a baby!!

Snack time! Cereal, yogurt, and banana:)

Those legs!!

Trip to Twisty's with mommy!!

Then to visit Aunt Kelly!! 

And she braided Lilly's hair!:)

Relay for Life at Oakland

Then we got to go see the baby ducks

 in the kindergarten classroom!

Sending balloons to my daddy!

This is what happens sometimes when

we are headed home!!

Riverbanks Zoo Field Trip with my sweet teacher friend!!

We saw sweet friends that we miss from Oakland!!

Soooo sweet!!!

<3 My HEART <3

KK came to play!

Bringing daddy some love and a snack;-)

Big girl drinking her milkshake!!

Watching UGA with daddy!

Helping me water the flowers:)

These two.... <3 <3

My favorite girls!!

Breakfast with Granna and Grandma P

at Strawberry Hill:)

It's time to water!!

Kite flying with Granna:)

Daddy's home!!