So before I start any posts about "The Story of My Life" I thought it would be important to explain the name of my blog since it took days before I decided on "Amazing Grace". You know how sometimes you can just OVERTHINK things?? I went from..."His Grace...His Love...My Life" to "Hope Floats" and countless other titles that meandered around in my mind for days before this morning it came to me when singing this song in church..."This is Amazing Grace" by Phil Wickham. God placed it on my heart..."don't overthink this...sometimes less is more"...and simply calling this blog "Amazing Grace" was decided as I was worshipping Him and singing terribly extremely terribly to Him his morning. :)
Do you ever have songs that you hear and they seem to be written just for you? This song is definitely one that God speaks to me! His truth and His Love is so evident in the words! So, this blog, "Amazing Grace" is going to be my way of allowing God to speak through me to whoever reads it and hear the countless stories of His amazing grace in my life. :)
The first stories that I want to share on this blog are from my childhood. As this blog progresses you will be getting to know me and my current life, but so much of my past is apart of who I am today. So here it goes...
I was born on October 8, 1984 weighing approximately 8 lb. 7 oz. I was the light of the lives of so many people (or so I've been told). 18 months after I was born along came my sister, Kimberly, who not long after she was home I looked over at my mom who was holding her and asked, "Momma, when's she going back?" Like I said *I* was the light of so many lives when I was born and I was NOT ready to share the spotlight! ;-) Little did I know she would be a lot more fun and grow to be my very best friend and most definitely my "other half".
We lived with our parents in a log cabin right down the road from our elementary school in a neighborhood surrounded by so many friends. We spent our days with some teenage girls who would babysit us. They would dress us up and we would have pageants. Other times we would play with boys in our neighborhood and explore the woods or build forts. We lived for long, warm summer days made just for us to have a lemonade stand, make dirt pies, play in the sprinkler, or catch lightning bugs.
Despite all of the fun memories I have from my early childhood days, there are memories that don't make me smile quite as much. My daddy was an alcoholic. This meant not knowing what to expect when he came home. He was never violent with my sister or I, but he was with our mom. There are vivid memories of some of those times and I will never forget what that fear felt like. Mom knew things weren't going to ever change even though time and time again he promised, so when I was in second grade they got a divorce. This meant moving...leaving our home, our friends, everything we had known. It's amazing looking back now and realizing how truly resilient children are when it comes to major life changes. My mom moved us close to where we lived so we could stay in the same elementary school.
During this time in my life something special happened that I will never forget. My mom's friend, Polly, invited us to her church for Vacation Bible School. After one of the nightly events, the Pastor invited anyone who wanted to pray to receive Christ to come to his office to talk more. My sister and I both actually went to his office that night and prayed the prayer of salvation. At 7 years old I can honestly tell you now that I did not know exactly what I was doing or why. Curiosity led me there, but I truly believe that God entered my heart that day. I did not understand everything then and even as an adult I still don't understand everything, but as you will see throughout my life...once God entered my heart He didn't go anywhere and even though I didn't live my life for Him consistently, He never left.
Our weekends were spent with our dad, who many times lived with his mom, our "Gram". We loved our weekend visits and there are so many memories that I cherish of going to ride go carts, play putt-putt, ride horses, or hit balls in the batting cage with our dad. Some memories still continued to not be so fun because my dad did continue to drink. It was something that just came with being around him and knowing that was apart of who he was. There would be some weekends that he would take us to the bar with him. Most times we wouldn't stay long with him at the bar, but just have lunch then leave.
A lot of our weekend visits were spent with our Gram. She was the light of our world! She taught us how to bake! She was the BEST cook in the WORLD!! Her banana pudding could have won an award! Her roast beef was so yummy and tender! Her tomato sandwiches and everything that she fixed was always made with lots of love and a pinch or two of sugar! She would spend countless hours outside from sun up to sun down planting and tending to her flowers. Whatever she planted or touched grew to be beyond beautiful! She didn't have just one green thumb, she had two green hands! She was the one person that I loved more than anything in this world! We would sing songs together "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby"..."You Are My Sunshine"...I loved spending time with her and listening to stories about her life growing up.
Kimberly and I lived with our mom and we moved around a lot because we rented. This meant changes were constant and not much ever stayed the same. The older we got, the less we made it an every weekend event to go visit dad, especially when I started driving. We would mainly visit and spend time with him on holidays and weekends.
In high school when I was 14 my friend Kim and I got in a very bad car accident and I almost died. Kim ran off the road and overcorrected, which caused the car to flip several times. I broke my collar bone and fractured 3 vertebrae in my spine. I was in ICU then when I got to go home I had to be out of school and on homebound for a few months while I recovered. The road that we wrecked on had a daycare called "Little Miracles" and I know God definitely performed a miracle in my life on that day.
During this time, my mom, my sister, and I were going to church with my mom's parents. Kimberly and I both got baptized and really began to get involved in church. Kimberly played basketball and mom would lead the Sunday Night Bible Studies for our youth group. This was a huge first for our family. Before this time, church was just a twice a year place to go for Easter and Christmas with our grandparents. I also went to church with my friend, Kim (who is still one of my very best friends...she is my hair stylist now and I love the times that are always too few and far between that we can see each other) and her family who were very involved with their church. I can honestly say at this time in my life though I truly did not know who God was and even when I got baptized, I did not really know what I was doing or why. However, I do believe that God was at work in my heart and my life. After the car accident our trips to church were less frequent for some reason. Looking back now, I know it is a miracle that I am alive and how, oh how, He deserved to be praised more than He was by me for saving my life that January day in 2000.
High school came and went with memories of Friday night football games, sleepovers, and some memories that are better left in the past. :) I began dating a guy my senior year and we continued to date for 7 years. During this time I was in college pursuing my teaching degree. This was a dream that was planted when I was a very little girl. My aunt Rhetta was a teacher and I always admired her. My sister and I spent our childhood days playing school for hours on end teaching away to our invisible students. After I graduated college in December 2007 (My friend Amy will be someone else that you hear about...she is my best 'take away' from college! The Starbucks memories and laughing until we couldn't anymore come flooding back just thinking about you, Amy!), several things happened...I ended the 7 year relationship I was in (It's important to know here that the guy I dated had parents who were very involved in their church. His dad was a deacon and his mom taught Sunday school for the children. I spent my Sunday mornings in the pew with his family and hearing the word of God on the most consistent basis I ever had along with being apart of meals where the blessing was the first thing said when we sat down to eat as well as Christmas and Easter being about more than just Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Traditions that they had always honored God first.) I began substitute teaching in order to get my foot in the door and hopefully get a job the next school year. I will get back to that in a minute, but let's take a minute for a LOOOOVE STORY (that only God could write)....
Okay, let's leave the Looove Story and go back to some other things that I missed telling you about after I graduated college and met Nick...
After my dad survived the doctor's prediction of him not making it in 2010, I began spending more time with him and looking at him in a completely different way. God's grace was sufficient enough for my daddy and me to become friends after so many years of not knowing much about each other at all. He became one of my very best friends. When I would go visit him we would laugh and joke about the silliest stuff. He would always get tickled because he knew I wasn't a good cook. One time when I was over at his house and I made a chocolate pie. Part of the directions were for me to whisk the pudding mix together. So, an inside joke for us was "whisk it real good" because we would sing and dance and make a whisking motion. Little things like that my daddy hung on to so tightly. Over those 3 years every time I saw him he would recall something from the last time I was with him. It could have been a conversation we had or something we ate or did together. He had begun to realize how truly special his time on this Earth was and he was determined to soak in every moment, every memory and hold on to each one ever so tightly.
We began making memories that I will cherish forever. We would talk on the phone at least every other day. He would call to talk, just to say he loved me, or just to say hello. He called me "Green Bean" and "Punky"...nicknames only he could come up with. I always knew my daddy loved me regardless of his alcoholism, but I wanted to make sure he knew that I loved him despite the time we had lost when I was growing up. My daddy also began to treat our time together differently. He soaked up every moment we were together, whether it was just watching T.V. together or laughing at something silly...he would retell a moment he remembered the next time we were together. He saw the value of life, moments, and memories like never before.
In December 2012 tests showed that the tumor had grown. My daddy began taking the strongest chemotherapy medicine there was with the hopes of it making a difference and prolonging his life. The doctors predicted he had less than a year to live, but we still held out hope and faith for God's will to prevail.
On a Friday in January my daddy was once again admitted to the hospital. His body was having trouble processing the medicines he was taking. Therefore, he was dehydrated and delirious. The doctors were able to get him what he needed to begin feeling better and planned to keep him over the weekend to make sure he was stable and get his medicine regulated. On Saturday I got to go spend the day with him. We spent the day talking and watching T.V. It didn't matter where we were, but as long as we were together we were going to make the most of every moment we had. God placed it on my heart that day to ask my daddy when he got saved. He told me of a time when he had been drinking a lot and he got very, very sick. He was at home and all of a sudden his friend came over. ......
.....his story has to take a detour right now because at this point we were interrupted by Nick bringing us Cook-Out to eat for lunch! YUMMY! It was dad's first burger and milkshake from Cook-Out and oh how he loved it!
Nick and I stayed and hung out with dad talking and watching T.V. for the rest of the afternoon and then Virginia came to stay with him. (Virginia was my daddy's girlfriend of 12 years. She was a recovering alcoholic herself, who sought treatment through AA and has been alcohol free since 2010. She was a true angel and took such good care of my daddy before and when he got so sick. She would drive him to all of his doctor appointments, cook for him, wait on him hand and foot, and just truly be the best companion for him. She loved him so very much...every day...all day! I am so grateful for her!!) Before Nick and I left, I prayed over my daddy while he slept. I just asked God to keep Him here so I could teach him everything he needed to know about who God is.
It wasn't until I was with him at home the next week that he asked me if I wanted him to finish telling me the story. Yes, of course I wanted him to! He continued telling me how he was diagnosed with Pancreitis at that time and they told him that he never needed to drink again. However, he did and was once again diagnosed with Pancreitis. My daddy felt that he was "saved" because he prayed to God and God brought his friend to his house to help him when he was hurting so badly. I said well dad, when did you profess that you believe God sent His only son, Jesus, to die on the cross to forgive you of your sins? He said, oh I believe that. I left the conversation at that point for his part and I shared a little bit of my salvation story with him.
The next day my daddy had my Aunt Debbie call my Uncle Buster and tell him that he did not understand everything about God, and he was embarrassed for my sister and I to know that, but he did want to talk to someone. So, the next day my Uncle Buster came over and they talked and prayed together. The following day, my Uncle's pastor came over to talk and pray with my dad. The rest is truly HISTORY! My daddy at 58 years old prayed the prayer of salvation and received Jesus Christ in his heart and in his life. God's grace was all over everything that happened leading up to that glorious day on February 1, 2013 when my daddy became a child of God. I asked so many people to pray for my daddy when we found out how sick he was. I wanted them to pray specifically for his salvation because I was so unsure of it. God's Grace.
On Saturday, February 23rd I spent the day with my dad. I helped him wash his hair. He had been taking the chemo and his hair had started falling out. After I scrubbed his head, my hands were covered in his hair. When he came up from leaning over the bathtub he looked at me with his little wet head and he said, "You know I had a dream that I came through all of this." I just smiled at him and said "Daddy, don't stop believing that. God can do anything." I didn't want him to lose that hope, that belief that he could win this battle, if it was in God's plan for him to. I did truly believe that and God's grace was still giving him the determination, the belief, the strength to keep fighting and believing that he could win. God's grace.
Monday, February 25th, my daddy found out that the chemo was not working and the doctors didn't think there were any other options for him. I can't imagine how he felt that day after having so much hope and fight in him, just being told this isn't going to end the way you want it to; defeated. Things progressed pretty quickly from that point. He was barely eating anything anymore. His at least one milkshake a day routine kind of dwindled. The Cook-Out burger that he had loved just a month ago was not of interest anymore. He just lay in the bed, sleeping, and as he would tell me when I asked him what he did all day..."thought about you and Kimberly". When I would leave him he would hug me so tight. If I began to pull away first he would pull me back and say, "I don't want to let go". That was my daddy. That was my best friend. God's grace.
The Lord took my daddy home to be with Him on Friday, March 8, 2013. For much of that day he was in a coma like state, but Kimberly and I stayed by his side talking, praying, singing, and asking God to just take him. At 5:20 P.M. when he was surrounded by his closest family members God called him home. No more pain. No more suffering. My daddy was finally walking the streets of gold that he heard about in the bible. God's grace.
The title of my blog is "Amazing Grace". I hope you enjoy hearing the stories of God's Amazing Grace in my life.
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