In March 2013, a few weeks after the Lord took my daddy home I found out I was pregnant. Nick and I weren't even trying yet...our plan was to wait until the fall to "officially" start because we were going to Australia in December with his stepdad, mom, and sisters to celebrate his sister, Madison's graduation from high school. Therefore if we started trying in the fall then I wouldn't be that far along for the trip. (Our plan) Well, after 2 'attempts' the Sunday after my daddy passed apparently one of those times "it" happened. (God's plan)
When "Aunt Flo" failed to make her monthly appearance at the end of March I took a pregnancy test. There was a slight feeling inside of me...maybe, just maybe I'm pregnant, but really I was very doubtful as was Nick. I went to Dollar General after school on a Friday and bought 3 of the $1 pregnancy tests and a box of tampons, too. I knew it was going to either be one or the other. :) I came home and told Nick my plan of taking the test. He was in the office working and I went into our bathroom to "pee in the cup". I waited on the lines to show up to let me know and then I quickly went to get Nick. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. According to that little stick on the counter...I was pregnant!!!! We were both so shocked! I remember us just standing there looking at each other smiling. I started crying and saying that I wish my daddy was still here. A week or so before he passed away he had told me that he didn't want to die because he wanted to see me and Kimberly have babies and get gray hair. I just hated to think that he was so close to seeing that start to happen. It was definitely a bittersweet moment for me. I was overjoyed with the good news, but I knew my daddy was not here to be apart of this new chapter of my life.
We both agreed to wait to tell anyone in our family. We wanted to wait until I went to the doctor and it was "confirmed" and we wanted to tell them in a special way. :) I did call my friend, Kayla though...I just had to. She was pregnant and really wanting Nick and I to have a baby not too far after her. When I called her she was so excited!! Immediately after hanging up the phone with her she texted me that they were on the way to the hospital because she thought her water broke! What a special time it was for both of us! I had just discovered I was pregnant and she was about to give birth to her little boy! It was a little before 5:00 so I called the doctor's office and made an appointment and then I ended up taking the other tests that I bought just to "be sure". ;-) My mom was on her way over to walk. I had been drinking so much water so I could take the other tests, so I was in a little bit of a hurry to get our walk over with that night! Plus it was so hard being around her and not telling her our good news!! Nick and I went out to dinner at Capri's that night to 'celebrate'! I don't think either of us had stopped smiling since we found out. And I'm talking BIG, GOOFY looking smiles!:):) After dinner we went by Ingles and I bought an EPT pregnancy test pack...so I could take two more and "be sure" it was real. All tests results showed that I was in fact pregnant!
My doctor's appointment couldn't come soon enough! To pass the time Nick and I continued to get ourselves even more excited by thinking about names. What were we going to name this little baby?!? Was it going to be a boy or a girl?!? Pinterest helped me start getting ideas for the nursery...so pinning away I went. I would wake up early on Saturday morning and stay on Pinterest for hours or I would Google baby names and their meaning.
Finally the day of my doctor's appointment arrived. They did a pregnancy test. (Even though I told them I had already taken 5 tests. :) Their test along with blood work confirmed that yes I was indeed pregnant! We sat down and talked with the nurse about what was ahead and how I needed to take care of myself, etc. The due date was given...November 25, 2013...Thanksgiving Day! I remember thinking how appropriate for our baby to be due on Thanksgiving! I knew how much happiness just knowing that I was pregnant had already brought me and how it was definitely helpful in helping me overcome the void of losing my daddy. Celebrating the first holidays without him might not be so bad after all.
Nick and I were busy trying to figure out how to tell our family! After looking up and reading about a gazillion different ideas here is what we decided to do...
*My mom was helping me out with a play that the drama club was presenting at school. I took a half day off of work so I got to leave as soon as the play was over. I called in an order from Fatz and went by to pick it up. She, Nick and I ate lunch together at our house. After we were finished eating lunch I casually walked over to a stack of mail and looked at a card that was in the stack. Since daddy had died it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me to get cards in the mail. I told mom that she had to read this card that I had gotten...she started reading it and I could tell when she realized it was a card from me to her about her being a grandma. I had written a poem to her about good things coming to those who wait . :) She started crying and I did, too! It was such a sweet moment that I will never forget!!
*Since Easter was coming up we decided to tell Nick's family then. We got a new SUV the day before Easter and we put balloons in the back "It's a boy!" and "It's a girl!". When we showed his family our new car we made sure they went and opened the back door and out popped the balloons! Their faces and reactions were priceless!! Nick's mom said, "It's a boy. It's a girl. Who's having twins?" :) Nick got his mom and her families reaction on video and his dad and his families reaction on video, too! Everyone was so excited for us!!:):)
Jonah must have sensed I was pregnant because he always wanted to be extra snuggly!:)
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A trip was planned with my family to Pawley's Island so we could scatter my daddy's ashes into the ocean...his favorite place. We went down for a long weekend and it was a wonderful trip! Being able to talk about Nick and I becoming parents and all that was in store for us kept our thoughts happy and our conversations were filled with what was ahead for us as a family. :) We had Low Country Boil one night and it was so yummy! The next night we ate at one of my daddy's favorite restaurants at Pawley's. We scattered his ashes into the ocean as he had wished. It's where he wanted to be. Tears fell as we once again said our goodbyes. That Sunday morning we left Pawley's and headed back home. It was Mother's Day so we had some family get togethers to attend to. :):)
The next day was my 12 week appointment where we were scheduled to hear the heartbeat for the first time. Nick, my mom, and I were there bright and early anxiously waiting for me to be called back. The nurse called my name and we went back to a room. She put the monitor on my stomach to detect the heartbeat, but after a few minutes of trying she was unable to pick up one. She went to get the doctor and he came in with another device that they use to hear the heartbeat. Of course fear and worry began to take over, but I continued to stay calm and positive just thinking that it was going to happen any minute. The doctor decided to send me into the ultrasound room to have a look there. After a few minutes of watching the screen, the ultrasound tech told me news that I never expected to hear. "Well, I found your baby, but there is no heartbeat and she is only measuring 8 weeks 4 days." I can't even begin to tell you how I felt at that very moment. It was the most empty feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. I felt like I was in a fog. This had to be a bad dream. Was she sure? My baby...the one she had shown me on the screen at 7 weeks? The doctor came in to express his sorrow and give me 'my options'. Either I could let the miscarriage happen naturally with no set time of when it would happen or I could have a D&C scheduled immediately. I made an appointment for the D&C to be done the next day. I knew I was ready to have this done as soon as possible so the healing process could begin.
Nick and I went home and just held each other and cried the whole day. He would rub my belly and talk about how crazy it was to love someone so much that we hadn't even met yet. I remember just feeling so sick and empty. How fast things changed for us. I thought about plans that we had already been making...baby names and nursery décor. None of that was going to happen for us now. The next morning Nick and my mom drove me to the office to have the procedure done. The doctor who was in charge gave us some very comforting news as he spoke of his wife's own experience with miscarriages and how they now had several healthy children. I had prayed that morning for the doctors and nurses who would be taking care of me to be filled with wisdom and compassion. I just had to smile and thank Him for answered prayers. The procedure didn't take long and before I knew it I was in the car on the way home. Now it was time to start healing from the loss of our baby. Nick's mom came in town to stay for a few days. She was so sweet! She cooked meals for us and washed our clothes. I truly don't know what I would have done without her. I know it meant so much to Nick, too. Just having her there. My friend Haley had beautiful flowers delivered to me and so did my aunt and uncle. My friends and family would either call, come by, or text to check on us. God was sending us love from so many people and I can't imagine how it would have been without being surrounded by so many people that love us! Recovery from the procedure was good. I decided to head back to work the next week. I was ready to get back to a routine and stay busy. I knew what happened was apart of God's plan for my life and with His help I was going to pick up the pieces and go from there. :) As devastated as I was He continued to encourage me and send me hugs and words of encouragement. When I would pray to Him I never heard Him say "not ever"...instead He said "not now". It was hard to understand why something like this would happen at a time when I felt like I needed the blessing of a baby coming more than ever. I had just lost my daddy and before my heart had time to heal from that now I had lost my baby. My faith was growing so strong. I knew that I could not do it on my own and more than ever I began to turn to God and pray for His strength, comfort, and love. He was my light in a time that was one of the darkest points in my life.
Life continued on as we knew it...Nick's brother, Josh, and his fiancé, Kelly, got married in May. It was nice to have that to look forward to. Seeing them start their new journey was so exciting and being there to share it with them was a lot of fun!
Summer break came and I was glad that I decided to sign up to teach Summer School. I knew that God was going to use me in so many ways as I worked with children each day. I met new people and made new friends. There was a newness I was beginning to see as God was continuing to bring me out of this 'season'.
Nick and I went on a cruise in July that we had booked months before for our 'babymoon'. I was reluctant to go because of the meaning behind the trip, but as it got closer I got excited and I knew that it was going to be a good trip for us both. And it was! We had a great time! It was nice to get away and just be together. We met a couple on the trip who were from Texas. They actually shared their story of trying to have a baby and her miscarriage experience, however the story ended happily hearing about their two year old daughter. :) It was amazing to me how God continued to put people in my life who were filling me with so much hope and encouragement. I just kept hearing Him say "this isn't it for you". I knew His plan was far greater than mine and I just had to trust Him through it all.
Summer break came and I was glad that I decided to sign up to teach Summer School. I knew that God was going to use me in so many ways as I worked with children each day. I met new people and made new friends. There was a newness I was beginning to see as God was continuing to bring me out of this 'season'.
Nick and I went on a cruise in July that we had booked months before for our 'babymoon'. I was reluctant to go because of the meaning behind the trip, but as it got closer I got excited and I knew that it was going to be a good trip for us both. And it was! We had a great time! It was nice to get away and just be together. We met a couple on the trip who were from Texas. They actually shared their story of trying to have a baby and her miscarriage experience, however the story ended happily hearing about their two year old daughter. :) It was amazing to me how God continued to put people in my life who were filling me with so much hope and encouragement. I just kept hearing Him say "this isn't it for you". I knew His plan was far greater than mine and I just had to trust Him through it all.
"Blessings" By Laura Story
Youtube Link:http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ
This is the announcement that I created to share with everyone. I was planning to send it out after we heard the baby's heartbeat. :) I'm so glad we at least have a picture of our baby...that was from the ultrasound at 7 weeks.
"Glory Baby" By Christy Nockels
Youtube Link:http://youtu.be/8Hxc_ANJptk
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