This post is kind of a diary of
"Life with Lilly". :)
There is absolutely nothing in this world that can prepare you for what is to come when your baby is born. Speechless...breathless...just moments of being in absolute 'awe'. Immediately after she was born I remember laying there watching Nick's smile light up the entire room. I knew there weren't any words to adequately express how either of us were feeling. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion in those moments just after she entered the world. I loved looking at her as the nurse was checking her weight and getting her cleaned up...this was our baby...the one we had prayed about...the one I had cried over and worried about for the past 9 months. It felt like a dream...so surreal. All of those moments had led up to this moment of truth...of awe...I loved watching Nick's face as he stared at her. His eyes didn't leave her from the moment she was born. He followed the nurse's every move with her. And when he held her for the first time it was like that moment held a thousand moments that had been and were to come. I was in love. I was in love with our baby and I was more than ever in love with her daddy. When I got to hold her it still just didn't seem real. Everything that had led up to this very moment of me holding this precious baby...it was happening...it was real.
After Nick and I got to spend a few minutes with her they let some of our family take turns coming to the room to meet Lilly. My mom was the first one to sneak back there and of course she was crying. Seeing her hold Lilly for the first time held so many emotions...my mom...the one who gave birth to me and who has taken care of me for the past 30 years was now holding my daughter...the one I would take care of. Seeing how happy meeting Lilly made her was absolutely priceless. It felt like time stood still in that hospital room...a new life...a time to rejoice that a part of my mom and my dad was going to continue. My parents...the ones who came together to make me would also live through this new life. My heart had never felt more full than it did in those sweet moments. Nick's mom came back after my mom...then Nick's dad and step-mom and then Nick's brother, Josh, and his wife Kelly. It was so precious to see everyone's excitement. It made me remember how anxious we all were at her arrival. Counting down the days and making predictions on when she would be here. After she had a few visitors to meet her the nurses let us know that they were ready to move us to the 5th floor...into the room we would be in for 2 days.
When we got into our room a nurse came to give Lilly a sponge bath for the first time. They cleaned her off when she first came out, but now a nurse was going to clean her up a little more. It was also time for me to breastfeed for the first time. What a special moment that was for us. I never really knew what to expect with breastfeeding, but I knew it was something that I wanted to be able to give her. She latched on right away and I immediately felt this overwhelming sense of 'awe' that God's plan for mothers included being able to give their baby nourishment to live. How amazing is that?!? Just to see Lilly 'know' what to do in order to get what she needed. The nurse who would be taking care of us for the day came in and we soon realized that I taught her daughter some 7 years ago when I did a long-term maternity leave before I got my permanent teaching position. She talked about how much her daughter just loved me!:) How neat was it that I knew my nurse!? BUT it was also a little...umm...embarrassing because she was the one who helped me go to the bathroom and take care of myself for the first time since giving birth, so she was seeing me in a way that...well...I never would have imagined!
More visitors came to see Lilly when we got to our room. One person that came to meet Lilly was my Aunt Jan and she brought us a birthday gift. That's right...Lilly and I share the same birthday!:) October 8th! Only a 30 year difference! :) She brought a chalkboard sign for us to take a picture with that said "Birthday Girls"...I'm so sad that I forgot to take a picture but I am definitely going to use that every year when Lilly and I celebrate our birthdays! :) What a special miracle that God sent on my birthday! My heart was overflowing with thankfulness to Him for this beautiful gift!!
There were a few breaks between people coming to meet Lilly where Nick and I just got to be with her. We just kept looking at her and smiling and looking at each other and smiling. We were so happy and just in complete amazement at our baby girl! They had to take her to the nursery for a bit to give her some shots and do a few things with her. I remember Nick and I just looked at each other like we were already lost without her. She was gone for almost 2 hours before they brought her back. I remember just looking at the clock the whole time waiting on her to be back already. It's crazy the feelings that we already felt for her only hours after she entered this world. She slept great the first night in the hospital and nursing was going so good! Nick and I both were able to get some rest, The only part that I didn't like was putting her in the 'clear container' to sleep in. It just looked so lonely and cold over there in that thing and I just wanted to keep her snuggled up on me. At one point I did put her there to sleep, but most of the time I just held her and dozed off. Then when a nurse would come in to check my vitals or give me medicine I would act like we had just fallen asleep like that and we hadn't been that way. ;-)
Nick and I spent some time on Thursday replaying what had happened the day before. Thankfully he got the whole birth on video. I think we watched it 50 times!! I start to cry every single time! It is incredible!! Seeing that life start! Knowing I was what kept her alive in my tummy for 9 months and then I was apart of bringing her into this world. Amazing!! Lots of family and friends came by to meet Lilly! Each person just talked about how beautiful she was...how perfect! Nick and I couldn't help, but agree. I know everyone thinks their baby is beautiful...but seriously Lillian Mae Allen was flawless! Her skin color...her eyes...her nose...her cheeks...her ears...every part of her was perfect!! We all immediately noticed how much she looked like Nick. They have the same ears and toes, too! Incredible seeing his traits come out in her!! She was still doing great nursing and she of course was sleeping A LOT. My sister came to visit and we had her go to Starbucks for us for a Pumpkin Latte..yum yum! We also had her get 10 $10 gift cards to Starbucks for us to give each nurse that we had with a "Thank You" card. We had been so well taken care of!! Each one was phenomenal!! We wanted to have a way to show our gratitude!! I also got to take a shower for the first time! Wow it felt great!! The warmth of the shower and just feeling so clean!! I wasn't in any pain at all and going to the bathroom wasn't bad either. Before giving birth I had read several blogs on the internet and I was prepared for the WORST! Which I guess was a good thing since it could have been a lot worse than it was. Thank you God for a safe and overall easy labor and delivery and a quick recovery!!:) Definitely answered prayers!! Nick and I were still on Cloud 9 with Lillian Mae Allen...we couldn't stop smiling and looking at her..and yes we held her every possible second!!
Friday was our coming home day! They released us around lunch time. Right as we were getting ready to walk out of our room she started screaming and crying. I thought she was hungry so I nursed her for a few minutes, but it didn't seem to be what was wrong. So I changed her diaper, nursed her again for a few minutes and it still didn't help. I told Nick to go get a nurse because something was wrong, but he said no, Monica she is going to cry when we get home and we will have to be the ones to figure out what to do to help her. After a few minutes of consoling her she calmed down and we were able to walk out of our room, but I held her instead of going ahead and putting her in her car seat. The ride home was pretty good. I could tell that she did not like being in her car seat though. I am sure a lot of it was separation anxiety and of course being so confined for the first time. She looked so small in that car seat and I just wanted to take her out and hold her, but of course I didn't.
Once we got home I went in first to spend a few minutes with Jonah since I hadn't seen him in a few days and we wanted to get him calmed down before we brought Lillian in. I put him outside once I visited with him for a few minutes, then Nick brought in Lillian. We let Jonah inside and he came straight to her car seat and started sniffing her. She made a few noises and moved around and he kind of let out a little growl...I guess to let her know who he was. We brought her into her nursery and let him come up to her in there, too. He definitely seemed to be curious as he kept sniffing her and watching her every move.
Things were good once we got home...it felt really good to be home. Nick's mom had stayed at our house while we were in the hospital and she cooked a few meals for us, kept the house cleaned, and she even got me a cookie cake for my birthday!:) So thoughtful!! My mom came over when she got off of work. We had a great first night at home. On Saturday we had a few visitors come by and meet Lilly. That night Lilly started screaming so loud and crying. We tried rocking her and walking around with her...changed her diaper...she had already eaten...nothing we were doing was helping her. After about 10 minutes I decided to call the 5th floor at the hospital to see if they could help us. The nurse asked if she was swaddled and I said "no" and she said that babies need to be swaddled a lot when they are first born to make them feel safe and secure. We had been swaddling her very often, but had not done so that night. Then she asked if she had been burped. I told her again "no" and she said that we needed to burp her that was very important. Well...when we were at the hospital the lactation consultant said that breastfed babies didn't need to be burped that often because they weren't taking in as much air as a baby drinking from a bottle. Nick and I just assumed that we didn't need to burp her, so we hadn't been. We did what the nurse told us to do and eventually we got her settled down. I felt so bad that she was crying in pain because of something that I wasn't doing right. It was my first moment (of many to come) where I was worried about being a "good mom" and taking care of her the "right way". :( Just so overwhelming being in charge of this little being...this life...knowing that everything that happens to her depends on me (and Nick of course, too). Sunday was followed by more visitors to come over and meet Lilly. Thankfully there wasn't an overflowing amount of people coming by and we had a lot of time for just us. We definitely needed it because we were beginning to see the start of 'sleepless nights'.
I am typing this post when Lillian is now 6 weeks old...I know I know...what in the world have I been doing and why haven't I already done this...HAHA...not like I have anything better to do these days.:):) I am sharing that she is 6 weeks old because I am going to back track on the rest of this post and kind of summarize highs and lows that we've experienced and just take time to remember things that I don't want to forget. :)
Breastfeeding 101
It hurts!!! Well...it did...very badly at first. I never really had thought about what to expect as far as how it felt, but I had learned that if it hurt then I wasn't doing it right. SO...I kept analyzing how I could get it right. Was she latched on right? What her mouth open enough? Was the nipple at the right spot in her mouth? Was I positioned the right way? Soooo many things to check. It reminded me of NASCAR drivers and their mechanics who have to check every detail of the car before they send it back on the track. I will admit that I was overwhelmed with breastfeeding. Which I was prepared to be, I had heard that the first few weeks are the toughest and if I could get through those then I would be good to go. So I was definitely not going to give in to it being too hard...I was going to keep on keeping on. I am NOT a quitter and I was determined to make it work. I had a HUGE support system with Nick, my mom, my cousin Amanda, my friend Kayla, and my friend Kim. I am sure I would have thrown in the towel if it weren't for their help and advice!:)
I decided to give pumping a try not long after we were home from the hospital. I was just at the point of crying and cringing every time that she had to be fed and I knew that I didn't want things to be that way. Kim came over and helped me with my first pumping session...what an experience!! Kayla let me know that a hands free pumping bra was an ABSOLUTE necessity and oh how right she was!! Pumping and nursing was what I was doing at first. Trying to juggle those two was very tiresome!! But again I was determined not to give up....I was going to do whatever it took not to resort to formula.
When she was 1 week old my mom went with me to the hospital to meet with the lactation consultant to make sure I was doing everything right and to get any tips to help make things a little better. She helped me with the football position, which I really liked because it was very comfortable. Linda was the consultant that we met with and she was the same woman who taught the class at the hospital that Nick and I had gone, too. She also came around to check on me when we were in the hospital to see how things were going. I like the fact that I knew her...it made me more comfortable for sure. I felt good when we left the hospital because she gave me confidence that I was doing everything right. However, when I got home we could not get the pillows and things positioned right for me to make the football position work. I got pretty frustrated at times and again just wanted to give up altogether. BUT with Nick's help and positive words along with my mom being here to help, too I was determined to stick it out.
Almost 2 weeks after she was born I got mastitis in my right breast. It was on a Sunday and I remember just feeling like I had the flu all of a sudden..I had a headache behind my eyes and I thought well maybe I'm just exhausted (because of course I was) but I also had the chills and felt achy all over, too...I had 2 big blankets on top of me and I couldn't get warm. I decided to look up the symptoms for mastitis and after seeing that it was looking like that's what it was we took my temperature and sure enough I had a fever 101,4. I also had the red wedge shaped coloration on my breast, too which indicates the infection. I called my doctor's office immediately and told the doctor what symptoms I had and he called in an antibiotic for mastitis. Nick went to pick it up right away. My mom was at the house with us, too because she and I had walked earlier that afternoon. I loved having her there to take care of me...there's just something about having your mom when you're not feeling good. I took some Tylenol to get my fever to go down and it did. I started immediately feeling better after I took the antibiotic, too! Thank goodness I caught it very early! There were visitors planned for every day that week and we had to cancel with everyone. I knew that I just needed a few days to get feeling better and the doctor had told me to rest as much as possible.
Lilly's 2 week check-up was that week and she weighed 7 lbs. 13 oz which means she was only 1 ounce away from her birth weight. I was excited about that because her birth weight at 2 weeks was the goal and we were only 1 ounce away. However, since she was 7 lbs. 9 oz at her 1st appointment the previous week, her doctor was not very pleased with her weight at 2 weeks...she said that she should weigh more than that because on average a baby should gain about an ounce a day at first. I decided to just start mainly pumping instead of nursing so we could see how much milk she was drinking.
It was very hard to keep her awake during feedings sometimes. We would get her naked just to try to keep her awake, but sometimes even that didn't work. So, I figured if she was drinking from a bottle then at least we would see that she was getting enough. Come to find out when I pumped, I was not getting as much out of the breast that had the mastitis and apparently that is a side effect from either the infection and/or the antibiotic. SO...I was glad to start pumping and bottle feeding so we would know she was getting enough milk. However, this was a sad moment for me as her mommy to know that the sweet moments, although painful nursing days were going to be gone. I loved our moments together when she would be nursing and just looking up at me with her sweet eyes...I have never felt more needed in all of my life. I would just talk to her and thank God for her. So I cried. I cried because I felt like I wasn't able to do what I wanted/needed to do for her by nursing even though pumping was still giving her the breast milk that was best for her. I just felt like it wasn't the same and somehow I was letting her down. I'm also very hard on myself and I felt like I hadn't done something right and I was blaming myself for how things were turning out. Of course Nick was right there along with my mom giving me sweet words of encouragement telling me that I was doing a great job as a mommy.
Since I was only pumping to feed her it was very difficult at first because of how early it was. My milk wasn't in all the way yet, so when I pumped I was getting a total of 3 oz. This was just enough for one feeding. Which meant that every bottle I pumped was used when it was time for her to eat again and that's every 1 1/2-3 hours. I didn't have a chance to get ahead with bottles ready for her...I was strictly on a supply and demand schedule. This was stressful. I'm the type of person who will have 5 rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom and still buy a new pack just because I don't want to run out. It bothered me that there wasn't milk ready for her. I was on a 3 hour pumping schedule and she was on about a 3 hour eating schedule, however there were several times where she would wake up early and I hadn't pumped yet. So, we had to resort to formula on these 2 occasions. I cried. How defeated did I feel again that I could not give her what she needed. AND I just really did not want to give her formula. There were also a few times around her 3 week mark where she was going through a growth spurt and the milk that I had pumped wasn't enough to satisfy her at feeding so we had to supplement with formula then, too. I hated it. I cried every time. Well the good news is that somehow I eventually was able to get ahead and get bottles ready to where I wasn't pumping to feed her. Now there are 5-7 bottles ready in the refrigerator and I can't tell you how much more relaxed I am.:)
I still nurse her sometimes...more of a comfort nurse than a 'feed me' nurse. If she is sleepy after her bottle then I will nurse her some until she falls asleep. This makes me feel good to still have this time with her. There isn't a way to describe the bond that I feel with her when I do nurse. It's incredible. Even though those moments aren't as often as I'd like, I'm still so thankful for the chance to experience the way God intended a baby to be fed and nourished. What a gift!:)
Sleep Anyone?
Everyone told us before Lilly got here to sleep...sleep...sleep because "our days of sleep would be over". There is definitely some truth to that! If only all of the sleep that we did get could have been saved and used to refuel us when we needed it..,ahh...that would have been nice!! I have never felt so exhausted in my entire life. It seriously is the most tired I have ever felt!! Mentally. Physically Emotionally. Draining. So much to the point of you are just going through the motions of whatever you are doing and not even letting your exhaustion phase you. The first initial nights of no sleep were ROUGH! Especially coming from someone who absolutely LOVES sleep and can sleep anywhere! Nick and I just were at the point of when people asked how we were doing the only word that came to mind was "tired". Oh, how tired we were. Then, at some point you just get to where you are almost used to the "no sleep" life and you just learn to function off of the 1-3 hours of sleep that somehow you managed to get. Nick was really good for the first few weeks at getting up with us every time during the night. Even though he couldn't help with feeding her, he would turn on the T.V. or read his bible just to stay awake. It made things a lot easier on me because I wanted to fall asleep so bad!! When he got back into a routine for work and had to travel some during the day he didn't get up with us at night..that was hard. I remember at first being up and watching him asleep in our warm comfy bed and thinking "UGGHHH"!! ;-) BUT like with everything else I got used to it and it got more bearable as the nights passed.
Can we call this COLIC?
Ohhh my thinking back now on those few weeks where she would cry for 1-3 hours at a time at night...whoa...we did not think we were going to survive it or ever see the end of it or ever see things get better. We tried EVERYTHING!! Of course I got advice from all of my friends on things that they did and I did call our doctor's office who confirmed over the phone that her symptoms seemed to be colic. So..what did we do as first time parents?? Well for a few nights we just stuck it out...taking turns bouncing around the house with her..dancing..singing...hopping, skipping...whatever it took. And if you know anything about colic then you know those things did work..for a BRIEF time..probably at a maximum of about 5 minutes, but usually less than that then it was on to the next act of stimulation to calm a screaming baby. We tried a warm bath...classical music...white noise...every trick in the book that we were told. Then we tried all of the different medicines, too. Gripe Water seemed to have NO effect on her at all. Her doctor's office could not even give the OK for that because it's not approved by the FDA, but because I had so many friends who used it we gave it a try. Her doctor's office suggested we try Gerber Soothe Drops..so $30 later we were trying those for a few nights, but NOPE no change. Finally we resorted to the gas drops...and wa-la we have a fix. I started giving them to her before every bottle and it worked! No more screaming for hours on end at night. WOO HOO!! Bye bye colic!! Now, I still give her the drops before every bottle...but it doesn't mean that she is a cry-free baby...but she does not have hour long nightly screaming fits! And for that we are forever grateful!! Her tummy hurts and is upset every now and then, but we recognize that is what is going on and we automatically do things that we have seen worked. Moving her legs in a bicycle motion and even just bringing her knees up to her chest and moving them back and forth works wonders...she will be pooting away. We have used the bicycle many times though and I make up a silly song when we do it...I sing about her riding her bike to her friends house and they are going to the park to slide down the slide and swing on the swings. :) It helps to pass the time while she is crying in discomfort,:( It breaks my heart to see her hurting!! I just want to make it all better.
"If Only..."
"If only mommy had 8 arms like an octopus." That's what I tell Lilly sometimes when I am trying to multitask. For instance...trying to get her bottle ready while she's crying so I'm holding her in one arm and using the other hand to get the bottle from the fridge, put it in the warmer, start the warmer, wait 3:55 for it to get warm, take it out of the warmer, unscrew the lid, pour it into the Dr. Brown's bottle, put on all of the parts..whew! I feel like I've ran a marathon when all of that is done! I've definitely learned that nothing is impossible...and I trust more than ever the saying my mom always told us... "If there's a will, there's a way!":)
What has been hard though is pumping and feeding her. There have been times where it's my time to pump and she would wake up at the same time to eat. So, I would feed her and then have to keep her occupied while I pumped. If you can only picture me sitting there with a pumping machine while holding a newborn and rocking her. Not the easiest thing in the world to do for sure!! BUT it all works out...somehow.:)
I also attempted to take a shower the other day and she was in her rock n play outside of the shower. I had to keep peeking out to check on her and I had to put her paci in her mouth when it fell out..but I did get to finish my shower in between all of that.:)
The Little Things
Did I brush my teeth today? That's the question I am sometimes sitting there thinking as I climb into bed each night. :) It's the little things like taking time to brush my teeth or take a shower or brush my hair that I never thought I took for granted...that is until I barely had time for those things!!:) I seriously never knew how much I could cherish a shower...I used to get in and get right out when I took a shower, but when I do finally get a chance to take one I soak in every moment! (literally!!) It is just so warm and peaceful in there...very relaxing these days!! I have to make myself get out of there!:) I have also LOVED not wearing any make-up since I am a temporary "stay at home mom" right now.:) I don't go back to work until January!! It's been nice not having to get up and get ready everyday! The downfall to that is when I do "have to" get ready to go somewhere I DREAD it!! But I put some face paint on and fix my hair and go. After it's all said and done it does feel good to see myself out of sweatpants and with some make-up on!:) Lilly is normally sleeping when I am able to get myself ready and that happens in shifts. I may get my shower done...then have to feed her...get her back asleep...do my hair...if she wakes up I put her in her vibrating rock n play and put her in the bathroom with me. She is so content just being in there and I talk to her while I'm getting ready. :) It makes me excited about sharing moments like that with her in the coming years! Not so much the make-up wearing part...but the fact that we are both girls and it will be fun to share a love of looking pretty! ;-)
Tone Deaf (We hope:)
Nick and I both love singing songs to her!! Neither of us can carry a tune in a bucket...or a tin can...or a coffee cup...or anything for that matter...BUT we don't let that stop us from singing to her!:) We actually hope that somehow she will have a good singing voice...every time her Aunt Kelly is over I tell her to sing to Lilly because she has a BEAUTIFUL voice and I want Lilly to hear how people are SUPPOSED to sound!:)
Regardless of our bad TERRIBLE voices, we will sing her songs that we know and sometimes we will make up our own "Lilly Songs". It's amazing what you can come up with when you are trying to console a baby or get her to sleep!!:):) My favorite songs to sing to her are "You are My Sunshine"...I love this one because it was a special one that my sister and I sang with our Gram all the way up until the day she passed away. Then we also made it a special song to sing with my daddy when he was sick with cancer up until the day he passed away. Another favorite of mine is "Oh, you must have been a beautiful baby"...this was a song that my Gram sang in a beauty pageant for the talent portion when she was younger and she taught it to my sister and I. We would always sing it with her and then we sang it to her when she couldn't sing anymore.:) I also like to sing "Jesus Loves Me" to her...a favorite time to do that is when I am trying to get her to burp (I will explain more about that later!) :) Nick has some sweet songs that he likes to sing to her, too. I know one is a Jimmy Buffet song that he wrote for his daughter. Nick would even play that song and put the headphones on my belly for her to hear when she was in the womb.:)
Scrub a Dub Dub
Lilly LOVES LOVES LOVES bath time! She is so happy when she is in the water. She just sits so content in there looking around and acting like there's nowhere else in the world that she would rather be!! It is such a special time for Nick and I to share with her each night. I think I look forward to it as much as I think she does.:) Nick smiles the entire time she's in the tub because he loves seeing her so happy and I think he's happy that she likes the water a lot! He already tells her that they are going to have so much fun at the lake and he is going to teach her to water ski! I love these precious moments with them!:)
"I Love You Through and Through"
Lilly is 7 weeks now and we have started trying to get into a little night time routine. Bottle, bath, lotion/massage and Nick reads her a story while I am putting lotion on her. Then we take turns getting her to sleep...some nights it is easier than others.:) Nick says that she gets that from him because he is a NIGHT OWL and he never wants to fall asleep either! Me on the other hand...oh NO I LOVE my sleep and when it is bedtime I will gladly close my eyes and go to "Sleepy Town". :) I love hearing Nick read to her though! It is so sweet!! I can't wait for her to talk and get excited about her bedtime story with her daddy!!Well...I can wait because I don't want it to keep flying by, but we do have SO much to look forward to!!:)
What's in a Name?
So Lillian Mae Allen was named after my great grandma, Lillian...my great grandma, Minnie Mae...and my Gram/Grandma, Doris Mae. I would LOVE for everyone to call her Lillian...however I am so sure she will just be "Lilly". I am guilty of shortening it all the time, too, BUT I love how Lillian sounds! So timeless! Anyway, we will see what happens and what she wants to be called I guess.:) We all have so many nicknames for her already though!! Nick calls her "Boog a Boo" sometimes...my mom, her Granna calls her Lilliana...I call her Louise sometimes just to be silly and I call her Lilly Bug a lot, too...my sister likes to call her Lilly Bear...some other family members like to call her Lilly Mae...some family members like to call her Lil, too. Everybody also calls her 'perfect' and 'beautiful' and 'so pretty' and 'she looks just like her daddy'. ;-)
Burping Battles
Lilly is so very strong...which makes it a HUGE battle to burp her. We try to burp her after every ounce to prevent gas from building up and causing an upset tummy. For a few days we were burping her and not stopping until we got a burp...which made her VERY fussy and I even broke down and cried one time because I was so overwhelmed. I knew I was doing something to help her, but she was squirming and crying and not wanting to be burped. So, Nick looked it up and found out that it's best to try for 2-3 minutes and if there isn't a burp then to just keep going. Then at the end of the bottle you can try for about 5 minutes. That method has seemed to work really good. I always look at the clock to time it and I am probably the most persistent out of everyone that feeds her to really not give up until I get a burp out of her. She is so funny though about being burped! She will throw her head around and throw her whole body backwards! I have a little trick that I do with her...I put her paci in her mouth so it gives her something to suck on while I'm burping her that way she's not crying for her bottle while I'm trying to burp her. It works most of the time! We also have an issue sometimes with her falling asleep while drinking her bottle..which means she's knocked out and VERY hard to burp then, too. Ahh...the little things that I never knew about or knew would be so exhausting at times.:) Here's where the song "Jesus Loves Me" comes in...I started singing that to her when I am burping her...it helps keep me calm and not get so anxious with wanting her to burp. Not to mention it is a great song for Lilly to hear to learn about God and how much He does love her!:)
First We Had Each Other...
Well our first "official" date away from Lilly wasn't exactly a date, but our first time leaving her and both of us going somewhere together was a few weeks after she was born. My mom watched her for a total of maybe 2 hours. Our first stop was Zaxby's drive thru...we got something to eat and scarfed it down on our drive across town. Our next stop was Verizon to get something done to his phone...when we were at Verizon the guy that was helping us was a young, good looking guy in his early 20's probably...he was making small talk with us while they were fixing Nick's phone...he asked if we were doing anything fun today...we told him it was our first time out and first time leaving our 2 week old baby and that we were running errands....he said "I can't wait to grow up"....HAHA!...I just smiled and thought for the first time 'I am old and this is my life'!! Haha!! Our next stop was Babies R Us to get something for Lilly and I think we went to Kirklands, too. Then we headed back home...Nick could have probably stayed out a little longer, but since I'm pumping I was at my 3 hour limit.:) I wasn't completely terrified leaving her for the first time since it was my with mom and she comes over after work almost every night so she knows our feeding routine. However, I guess you could say I was a little 'uneasy'. I tried not to act worried and I didn't want to talk about her the whole time we were gone so I tried not to. My mom was great with her though and she sent me texts and pictures to let me know how things were going. I loved having that reassurance that things were going just fine.:)
After our first initial outing we continued to have more where my mom would watch her for a few hours and we would get out and run errands. It was always nice to get out of the house together and it just be us two again. BUT we talked about Lilly the whole time we were gone!:)
Our first dinner date was when Lilly was a month old. My mom came over on a Thursday night and Nick and I went to The Peddler. You'd have thought we'd never been out to eat before! We got an appetizer, Oysters Rockefeller...which I was TERRIFIED to eat because of breastfeeding, but Google and Nick reassured me it was okay;-)...we had their delicious salad bar..I got my normal grilled chicken and sweet potato (YUM!!)...and we even had Peddler Pie for dessert (SUPER YUM!)!! It was really good for us to get out and have a little romantic evening together. Nick was so cute about getting dressed up and looking really hot! I think he was even more excited than me about our date night! Not to mention he was getting to see me all fixed up for the first time in FOREVER! He always told me I didn't need make-up that I look good without it... BUT the way he looked at me when I was all dolled up for our date night told me a different story. ;-) We had such a great time and we made a promise to have a date night every two weeks!!:)
"Can I eat THAT???"
I so understand the humor behind this cartoon, but it also fits perfectly with my situation, too. From the time we got home from the hospital and I started reading about foods that I could and couldn't eat while breastfeeding I've been a paranoid mess!! It makes it somewhat confusing because different websites/people tell you different things. Some say, including my doctor to eat ANYTHING. Others give you a list of about 5 things that are OK to eat, but stay away from EVERYTHING else!! So at first I only ate bland foods and I stuck to pretty much the same meal plan everyday...oatmeal...almonds and granola bars for snacks...peanut butter and jelly for lunch...bananas and apples for snacks...something with chicken for dinner. Pretty soon that got old so I slowly started venturing out...cereal or eggs for breakfast...BUT then she would have a bad gassy period and I would blame it on my cheese eggs. :-/ Of course Nick said NO that wasn't what caused it..."she's a newborn" he would say "her stomach is getting used to things". BUT I still wasn't completely convinced. One day I fixed Salmon for lunch because I read about all of the benefits...the next day she was fussy and gassy so I blamed it on the salmon and I haven't eaten it since!! I called Nick to tell him I thought it was the salmon and he said "No, I think it was the water you drank last night." Hahahaha! I'm glad that despite my paranoia he is still able to find the humor in all of this!:) As far as food goes now...7 weeks into this...I just steer clear of foods with tomatoes, citrus fruits, gassy foods like broccoli and cabbage, spicy foods, and I am not really eating a lot of things with dairy either. (milk has never agreed with my tummy so I worry it will upset hers) Thanksgiving was last Thursday and I did not let anything stop me from eating EVERYTHING! I even ate broccoli casserole. I felt like for a few days (because of yummy leftovers) I could spoil myself a little and indulge in all of my favorite foods that are always on the table at Thanksgiving...turkey..dressing...sweet potato casserole, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, pumpkin pie...all of those goodies!! So far she really hasn't shown any signs that her tummy is any more upset than normal! YAY!:) That makes me look forward to Christmas dinner even more!!:)
Nick has been such a good sport about my worries of what I can and can't eat. One day I was going to be BRAVE and get a tuna sub from Subway...so I left the house to go get our subs and I ended up chickening out and going to Arby's for our normal Chicken Bacon and Swiss sandwiches! I googled tuna subs and breastfeeding and several had commented that it wasn't a good idea because the tuna sits out all day and another said she got sick after eating it. SO...Arby's seemed a little more predictable. ;-)
"Is she ok???"
I am so surprised that Nick hasn't already packed his bags and moved right on out...and maybe even taken Lilly or Jonah with him...or just called and gotten me admitted to the Worry Ward. ;-) My famous phrase "Is she okay" has been said 1,000 times since she entered this world...actually I was asking the same thing before she even arrived...but now it is even worse. One of the first things I remember being so concerned about was her getting thrush because I was on antibiotic for the mastitis. She was crying and I saw a white bump in her throat so I called the doctor and they had us come in to check it out. It ended up not being anything serious and it went away on it's own! Thank goodness!! I am constantly asking Nick if she is okay...whether it be because she hasn't eaten that good all day or if she's sleeping too long or if she has bumps on her face or if ...well...if she's just being a newborn baby!:) HAHA! Nick's answer is always the same...YES Monica she is OK.:) He joked the other day when I told him that I was worried about something...he said well you know the ceiling of our house could just cave right on in. I appreciate his jokes most of the time because it makes me smile and just for a second forget that I was worried, but sometimes I want him to be serious and worry with me.
I have friends and family members who know how often I worry, too. My friend Kayla is my favorite go to person for anything that I am wondering or worrying about. She likes to make fun of me, too..especially with my questions about eating certain foods. She tells me to eat anything and enjoy it..she says that Lilly will, too! A few weeks ago I told her I wanted pizza but I was worried about eating it because of the red sauce (tomato) and she said MONICA! Get you some pizza! So...I did and I loved it!! Oh it was so good!!! And I really don't think it bothered Lilly's tummy at all.:) Maybe she really did like it:) Kayla also told me that she read that if you drink a beer it will help your lactation because of the yeast in it. So when I was eating pizza I told her that I was going to have a beer with it, too. An O'Douhl's! HAHA! ;-) I love having her to give me answers to questions...I tell her that she is faster than google!!
I want to say THANK YOU right now to Kayla and all of my friends and family members who have given me advice or helped me out through my experience so far being a first time mommy!! I appreciate it more than you will ever know!! XoXo:):)
Upside Down
I titled this post "Upside Down" because our lives have literally been turned upside down in more ways than one!:) This little cartoon fits perfectly though...so much truth here...it is not about ME anymore it is about WE..about LILLY...about NICK...about US as a FAMILY. It is a completely different life than I have ever known...we say all the time...our world has been rocked...but we wouldn't have it any other way! Our sweet precious bundle of love brings us more smiles and laughs than we could have ever imagined! People told us that we wouldn't know what life was like before her, but Nick and I have decided that's not true at all. We remember exactly what life was like before her and yes it was quieter and we could be selfish about how we spent our time and the things that we did, but it was empty...there was something missing. Lilly makes our life COMPLETE...we feel WHOLE. The love that we have for our little girl just oozes out of us constantly. There is not a minute that goes by that I am not thinking about her. And so many times when I am holding my precious gift,,,when I am just so overwhelmed with the love that I have for her and the fact that she is mine...I am at a loss for words...it really is one of those bubble in your throats kinda feeling...I just look up and I say "Thank You God"...I seriously cannot thank Him enough. She was prayed about for so long...then she was prayed for...now she is prayed over. I also spend time praying with her when I am feeding her or rocking her. I love my precious baby girl and so does her daddy. He is so smitten by her! It amazes me how he just looks at her and can't take his eyes off of her! He would give his life for her and he is going to spend the rest of his life protecting her and doing everything he can so that nothing bad ever happens to her. It melts my heart over and over again to have this feeling of completeness for us. God is good all the time and all the time God is good.
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